By: Sara E. Teller
When you get started in a new relationship, you want to believe that everything will go perfectly. It’s easy to overlook concerning issues at first, as you are being optimistic about what the future will hold.
Of course, having such a positive outlook is both a blessing and a curse. It’s great to be so high on the potential of your new connection, but that attitude might lead to overlooking signs that may have protected you from a toxic bond. If you’ve begun to date someone who may be a narcissist, watching for warning signs can help you get out of the situation before too much time has passed. Here are five early warning signs to look out for:
#1 – A Lack of Relationships. Outside of the romantic relationship that they are in with you, does this person seem to have any other meaningful relationships in their life? If not, that could be a warning sign that something is going on. Often, narcissists will leave a trail of broken bonds in their past – romantic and otherwise – as people will get tired of their actions and decide to move on.
Of course, you’ll need to be careful when making a judgment based on a lack of relationships alone, because some people have more friends than others, and that’s okay. It could be that this individual is just enjoys solitude and is happy with that arrangement in life. However, it’s worth taking a closer look and trying to figure out if the lack of connections is by design or because others are tired of their act.
#2 – Everything Is Your Fault. This is a classic sign that you are dealing with a narcissist. When something goes wrong, even if it is something small or something that was blatantly your partner’s doing, does that error seem to always be your fault? It could be as small as forgetting to pick up an item at the store after you went together for groceries. If you both forgot, but your partner feels the need to frame the event as though it is your fault alone, that’s a troublesome perspective.
#3 – Everyone Else is Crazy. In the world of a narcissist, the people surrounding them are the “crazy” ones, and they are the only person acting rationally and seeing the world for what it really is. This is an isolating worldview, and it speaks to our first point about not having many meaningful, lasting relationships.
When you think about it, this is the same blame game, only played retroactively toward people they used to know. Saying someone else is crazy – such as an ex-partner – is really just another way of blaming those people for the failures of those relationships, rather than taking any responsibility for the fact they didn’t work out.
#4 – No Empathy. This is a classic sign of narcissism. In fact, it’s one of the clinical conditions for narcissistic personality disorder. Someone with NPD is rarely going to show genuine empathy for another person, even if that person is experiencing particularly difficult events in their life. Rather than relating to the person going through the struggle, the narcissist seems unaffected and doesn’t care to offer support or try to resolve the situation in some way.
While this can apply to major life events when others lose a loved one or fall on hard times, it can also apply to minor things in day-to-day life. Seeing someone experience pain or suffering is typically cause for other humans to offer empathy and support, but a narcissist may just look the other way without a second thought. Seeing this kind of behavior should be a warning sign of what you are dealing with in your relationship.
#5 – Being Entitled. Along with a lack of empathy, entitlement is another major element in the narcissist’s playbook. Most narcissists feel like they deserve everything good that comes their way, and more. Rather than wanting to share the wealth or make sure that others get their time to shine, the narcissist just wants more and more and more. Not only are these types of people greedy in this way, but they can also get angry and confrontational when they don’t get exactly what they feel is rightfully theirs. Seeing signs of even modest entitlement is concerning.
Does evidence of one or more of these signs mean that you should automatically give up on your relationship? Not necessarily. However, it’s good to notice these potential red flags, so you can take a closer look at how the relationship is developing and think carefully about whether or not you want it to continue. The context in which these things are present is equally as important. And, at the end of the day, it’s always best to trust your gut!
Break the silence, break the cycle.