When you’re in a relationship with a pathological narcissist it may be extremely difficult to maintain close ties with your friends and family members. This is because your captor will stop at nothing to ensure total dependence, which includes complete isolation from the influence of others. It may also be difficult to seek advice from a counselor, therapist, support group, or your social network.
It is, however, extremely important to seek support from a close network of individuals who truly understand the nature of the situation you’re in, who you are as an individual, and who you can count on to be there should you decide to escape.
It’s not only difficult to maintain relationships with others when you’re partnered with a narcissist because you are purposely being isolated from them, but many people feel (and, rightly so) uncomfortable discussing toxicity or inserting themselves in the middle of a particularly volatile situation. It’s not because they don’t care about you, believe you, or wish the best for you. There may be a very real concern for their own safety keeping them at arm’s length.
But, there are many professionals who are skilled at mentoring abuse victims, and there are plenty of confidential support groups, even those that are strictly internet-based. If you’ve gotten to the point where you understand you need the help of others, chances are you understand the seriousness of the situation you’re in and are ready to leave.
Leaving a narcissist takes careful planning, which includes the motivation of others as well as tangible help such as storing a bag of clothes for you, important documents you can’t leave behind and an extra set of car keys, or offering a place for you to stay.
At the bare minimum, individuals who are looking to leave their narcissistic partners should reach out confidentially to an abuse shelter, so they know exactly where to go and what to do when they get there. The individuals who answer the phones, as well as those who answer abuse hotlines, are trained to provide advice to keep you safe. After all, narcissistic abusers are dangerous. Period. They may not come across as such to outsiders – in fact, they won’t – but this is an extremely detrimental psychological disorder and you are in very real danger staying behind closed doors with them.
What’s worse, unlike many predators, narcissists are less likely to confront a victim and viciously lash out when they’re provoked or experience “narcissistic injury,” leaving visible marks, then to attack in an underhanded, far less visible way so they will not easily be held accountable. A psychic once told me, “He is very, very dangerous. You need to leave – now. I don’t know what’s keeping you there. Put it this way, he isn’t the type that will push you down the stairs. He’s the type who’ll tie an invisible string at the top and wait for you to fall.” Narcissists are predators who like to fly below the radar.
You’ll need to get all of your ducks in a row before you go, but you’ll also need to keep your tracks hidden and go before things get any worse. And, you’ll need to create a base of trusted confidants who are willing to help you along the way. These individuals understand who you are, who your partner is, and why you need to leave. They are willing to keep you safe despite the risk.
I know what your captor has told you, and it is a lie. Despite what he’s made you believe – you are NOT alone. Break the silence, break the cycle. Please share.