By: Sara E. Teller
Going through the experience of being the victim of narcissistic abuse is challenging, stressful, and likely, life changing. Even after the actual abuse has ended and you have moved in a different direction with your life, you may find that the effects of that abuse are continuing to have a lasting impact.
In this article, we’ll explore some of the coping strategies that will hopefully help you move forward in a way you didn’t realize was possible previously. There is light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is hard to see at this point. Starting small and using some of the strategies below, will help you start to rebuild the life you deserve.
Identifying the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse
Before one can work on coping with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, it’s important to be able to recognize it in the first place. Once an individual understands what is going on and why they are feeling the way they feel, it will be much easier to deal with this issue and start to move forward.
There are many signs that are commonly associated with narcissistic abuse. These signs include, but are not limited to, the following:
- A constant need for control
- Gaslighting
- Manipulation
- Love bombing
- Devaluation
The sum total of these various behaviors can be exhausting for the victim. When abused in this kind of way by someone close to you, it’s common to be left with a confusing mix of emotions from confusion and self-doubt to anger and feelings of betrayal, and the path back to a state of comfort and peace can be hard to see.
It Starts with Support
Perhaps the single best way to cope in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse is to get help. Support is required to have someone else to validate your feelings, restore your sense of self-worth, and take meaningful steps toward a better future.
It’s important to note that this support can come in a variety of forms. For one thing, it could be professional support through working with a therapist. An experienced therapist will understand what people in your situation are going through and will have a collection of strategies and techniques on hand to address the matter. If you have the financial ability to work with a therapist, doing so could be a great first step.
Not everyone has the ability to work with a therapist, however. Whether you are limited by money, time, or just by discomfort in talking to a stranger about your problems, therapy might not be on your radar for the time being. And that’s okay. It’s possible to accomplish a similar result by simply talking with a supportive friend or family member. Carefully pick out the person or people you talk to, as they need to be completely trustworthy and non-judgmental. If you are lucky enough to have someone like this in your life to confide in, they could be your biggest ally in this battle.
Invest in Self-Care
The idea of self-care is one that has gained a lot of popularity in recent years, and for good reason. Self-care comes in countless forms, but the important part is that you make it a point to intentionally do things that are good for your well-being. For some people, that will mean nothing more than taking time out to read a book in a comfortable chair. For others, it might mean taking a day off of work to go for a hike or visit a theater for a movie. The specific activity doesn’t matter so much as the intention behind it – you are valuing yourself and investing time, money, or both in your well-being.
Self-care is important because narcissistic abuse can tear down your sense of self-worth. You might come out of an abusive relationship feeling like you aren’t worthy of much in life, so gradually building back your sense of value by doing things for yourself is an important part of the healing process. Each individual act of self-care might not feel like much on its own, but it’s incredibly valuable once they begin to add up and you can see positive results.
Set Firm and Clear Boundaries
In addition to rebounding from the experience of narcissistic abuse to restore a sense of happiness and self-confidence, you’ll also need to find a way to trust again in future relationships. This can be particularly difficult, which is why setting boundaries for yourself is critical. Think about the paths that you went down in the abusive relationship and identify points that you are not willing to cross with future partners. Knowing where you can draw lines will help you feel more comfortable and hopefully open you up to new possibilities.
It’s not easy to move on and recover from narcissistic abuse, and you shouldn’t feel bad if it is taking you a while to find your way. We hope the coping methods above will help you start to take the first steps toward a brighter future where being the victim of narcissistic abuse no longer influences how you define yourself and your life. Good luck!
Break the silence, break the cycle.