This is a tough one to measure, mainly because victims of narcissists rather than the narcissists themselves are much more likely to seek therapeutic treatment. Published estimates suggest less than 10 percent of males and females have crossed the line to narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but the actual numbers are likely to be much, much higher.
In the United States, we live in a society that promotes narcissism. The quest for material wealth and superficialism are ingrained in who we are. Individuals learn at a very early age these are things to be desired and sought. Oftentimes, what is occurring behind closed doors is much different than the public’s perception. “Don’t air your dirty laundry” we’re told. Keep imperfections to yourself, and always make others believe you are doing well, even better than they are.
These are commonly held views and standards. So, it can difficult to decipher, at least immediately, when narcissism has crossed the line into a pathological state. Nearly everyone is narcissistic to a certain degree. Everyone is concerned with their self-image and status.
Those who live with pathological narcissists, however, know when the line has been crossed. This isn’t your average “put on an act in public”. The constant threat of exposing the narcissist is a very dangerous reality. A slight misstep can lead to injury and be detrimental to the offender.
Those living in an intimate space with a narcissist are the gatekeepers to understanding how common this disorder truly is. They are the ones who are exposed to the wrath. Yet, oftentimes, they’re too scared to speak up. Keeping the narcissist’s secrets ensures negative consequences are kept to a minimum.
Genuine pathological narcissism cannot be cured. It is inherent to the individual’s personality. So, victims are left in a difficult position. They cannot wait for the disordered individual to change. The only way to negate abuse is to escape.
How common is pathological narcissism? This can only be accurately measured by a victim’s willingness to speak up. Since a narcissist will never out him- or herself, we must rely on a victim’s account to determine how rampant the problem truly is. Freeing victims from their captors is the first step. They must feel safe and able to move forward effectively.
You are not alone. Break the silence. Break the cycle.