I’m scared. I can’t. I feel stuck. These are common feelings experienced after trauma. The toxicity of what happened seems all-consuming – a heavy weight that cannot be lifted. You might have nightmares or flashbacks or experience anxiety, panic, and insomnia. But, trauma is a liar. You can move past it. There is a beautiful second draft waiting, and developing a growth mindset in the aftermath is important.
Shifting from stagnation to forward thinking will keep you motivated to continue healing. Identifying those things you want to do now to release the then is important. This further separates who you are in the present from what happened in the past. You can get unstuck by developing a mindset that continues propelling you into the next stage.
One of the more tangible ways you can develop a growth perspective is to print blank calendar pages and fill in the dates. You may want to print one month or a few at a time. After you have the dates in place, start to fill in activities you want to do to connect more closely with your present self and continue moving further away from the past. As each day completes, cross it out. This will allow you to stay focused on the next. A calendar is a great visual representation of what is to come and will help to shift your perspective towards the future.
On your calendar, you may want to jot down those things that are a bit challenging as well as simple self-care strategies you hope to make routine. Don’t overbook yourself. Maintain balance. So, if you write down that you’ll join a gym one day, leave the next day blank or include a relaxation technique you hope to try, such as five minutes of guided meditation.
Once complete, post your plan in a spot in which you’ll be able to quickly and easily reference it as needed. You’ll want to be able to glance at what you’ve included on any particular day so you can schedule it in. The more things you’re able to accomplish on your calendar, the more empowered you’ll begin to feel. You’ll realize you do not have to feel scared and stuck. You have the ability to guide the next phase of life in a positive direction. You have the power to grow and move beyond trauma.
Another way to begin building a grow mindset is to draw a visual representation of what the future holds. Take a blank piece of paper or start an art journal and select a page. Begin to fill in positive things you know the future will bring. You can include anything you’d like – a depiction of those things that are waiting around the corner as you move into a more peaceful state. Have you always wanted to visit someplace on the other side of the world? Have you wanted to write a book? Start a webpage? Become a pet owner? Spend more time with loved ones? Think of your visualization of a resolution of sorts to care for yourself and do those things that are important to you.
Again, place this drawing somewhere you will be able to reference it when needed or include it in a journal you’re likely to continue regularly. As you begin to experience those things you’ve drawn, you will soon realize the picture no longer represents a bucket list of everything you hope to do, but an image of all of those things you were able to do because you released trauma.
The ability to problem-solve is another key component of the growth mindset. You can add to your journal or create flashcards of questions to ask yourself whenever you are facing an obstacle. It can be difficult to think clearly, especially if triggered, and this will give you some direction. When you have a tool to reference, you’ll be less inclined to engage in methods of escapism, such as substance use or other self-destructive behaviors. Try asking yourself all of the following:
What is the problem I’m facing?
If I _________, what will happen?
If I don’t _________, what will happen?
Who can help me work through this?
How will I feel if I solve this in a health way?
You can add to this list as you see fit. The important thing is to create questions to guide you on a healthy path, distracting the mind from trying to take the easy way out, only to compound your problem.
Another fun way to ensure you are following a self-care strategy in the aftermath of trauma is to place to-dos in a jar and pull one out each day. You can decorate this jar as you see fit to make it appealing and an easy reminder of the importance of continuing your self-commitment. You might write on pieces of paper:
Take a walk around the block.
Start gardening.
Start a new book.
Find a self-help podcast to follow.
Take 10 minutes of time to meditate.
Fill the jar to its brim so you have a whole slew of options to choose from. Select only one each day, or one in the A.M. and one in the P.M. Resist the urge to replace it if you aren’t ‘feeling it’ that day. Remember, challenge and take care of yourself. This is what creates growth.
There are so many activities you can do to replace stagnation with growth. Oftentimes, trauma makes you feel stuck and unable to move forward. However, moving forward is not only possible, but necessary. And, the ability to do so truly resides within you.
You have to take the steps necessary to separate yourself from the past. These can be baby steps, and you should take one day at a time, but so long as you’re moving towards the future and growing in the process, you’re helping yourself. Try out some of these activities today and add in others if you wish. You have complete control over your journey so long as you take that first step – the hardest one – to begin to propel yourself into a better state.