A self-sabotaging behavior that many of us are familiar with is spending financial resources that simply aren’t in our account. This can become an addiction when it is used to cope with trauma. Excessive shopping can induce feel-good brain chemicals that are otherwise fleeting and feels like a much-needed distraction from life’s stressors. Just as substances can be addicting, altering one’s brain chemistry, so can financial self-sabotage.
Something else happens when spending becomes an addiction and is used was a coping mechanism. It makes one obsessed with money. Lots of time is invested in determining how to obtain money and how to pay down bills. It is a vicious cycle of earning and spending that seems never-ending and can cause financial ruin if there is a job loss or a significant hit to the budget. However, like many addictions, despite these negative consequences, it can be a difficult cycle to break.
Financial self-sabotage commonly occurs when trauma is induced by an abusive intimate relationship with an individual who is the primary breadwinner. This person is viewed as both the aggressor and as a provider, so the victim uses the abuser’s finances to get back at him or her or to make up for what this person cannot provide – unconditional love and emotional support.
Excessive spending is hard to stop even after the trauma ceases. It can become second nature and one can come to expect a certain lifestyle even if circumstance have changed drastically and this lifestyle is no longer realistically attainable.
It can be helpful to reach out to a counselor to discuss concerns if you believe you are self-sabotaging in this way. You don’t have to continue living beyond your means when you sever toxic ties. Now is the time to rebuild and create a healthy, happy second draft, leaving old, self-defeating behaviors in the past.
Codependency can often mean being dependent on a partner for financial resources. If you have cut ties with the trauma of your past, focus on ways in which you can reclaim your independence. Being able to provide for yourself, maybe for the first time ever, can feel particularly liberating. If your finances have taken a hit in the process, start slowly and ease your way into the next chapter.
Again, there are supports available if you feel your spending has gotten out of hand. There are others in the same boat willing to listen and guide you to financial freedom. Cutting all ties with the trauma of your past will allow you to create a bright future. Recognizing when you should change behaviors that are connected to this trauma and no longer serve you is a great first step.