Living with a narcissist is bad enough. Being forced into quarantine with one can be terrifying. Since many of us are transitioning to working from home or being laid off or terminated during COVID-19, for some, this inevitably means having to share quarters with a narc. A likely extra-unhappy narc at that. For victims of narcissistic abuse, nothing is more anxiety-inducing than being in the constant presence of an angry abuser ready to release frustration onto the closest target. How do you protect yourself when you know you can’t escape?
Keep your phone close. Always have your device nearby, fully charged with your contact list updated. Make sure it’s password-protected and, if you feel you need to change the names of some of the individuals on your list, just in case, do so. For example, you can change ‘mom’ to ‘grocery store.’ Just avoid trigger-inducing pseudo names like switching a contact to ‘bank,’ and make sure to memorize who has Facetime enabled, too, in case you need to video call.
Prepare to call 911. If you haven’t done so already, make sure you have instant access to emergency calling and know how to activate it. Mentally prepare yourself for the possibility you’ll need to use it. Remember, you’ll need to do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe, especially during this time. So, it’s important to summon the courage to take action.
Download a program to record. Also have handy the ability to record at the drop of a hat. After all, you never know when the narcissist will explode, and you’ll want to try and capture the moment in case things get ugly. Download an app with simple navigation.
Ask others to check in. Reach out to your trusted network and ask that they periodically check in on you to ensure you are responding and well. If you’re already being quarantined without any privacy, text these individuals and delete the messages after you have a plan in place.
‘Lose’ your car keys. If you have your own set of car keys, place them somewhere you can easily access them but where the narc is unlikely to find them. If asked about their whereabouts – maybe you are always expected to keep them on the ring – simply state you’re not sure where you placed them last. No matter how agitated this may make the narc feel, stick to your guns. You need to have a way out if your life is in danger.
Know where to go. Health clinics are essential facilities that are staying open even in shelter-in-place areas. Google search nearby options, if you don’t have these committed to memory, and know where you’re headed if you need to flee.
Delete browser history. Of course, this never permanently deletes internet searches, but the ‘history’ tab is one that is most likely to be checked by an abuser. Make sure to always hit ‘delete,’ especially if you are searching for nearby clinics, banking information, or ‘quarantining with a narcissist.’
Unfortunately, being closely confined with a narc means increasing your defensive front. It means having to take measures to protect your well-being should something happen. Above all, know you’re strong and stay strong. Having a set quarantine strategy in place will help alleviate some anxiety.
If you are being abused, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. An online chat option is also available.