By: Sara E. Teller
Have you experienced the complicated web of deception, trickery, and invalidation that is narcissistic abuse? Your sense of self may have been progressively destroyed even without your knowledge because of how incredibly subtle it may be. Typically, in fact, emotional abusers prefer to leave untraceable scars rather than inflict direct physical pain. This is why this form of abuse is so insidious – it’s difficult to comprehend and even more difficult to prove. Victims are commonly re-victimized by others who don’t believe them well after the relationship has ended.
It is not simple to recover from such abuse or to even realize what is really going on. You may feel as if you are progressively going insane when you’re stuck in the narcissist’s web of lies and deceit, which is something that is tough to see through when you’re entangled in it. You may no longer be able to distinguish between what is real and what is a falsehood. You’re likely worried and stressed out, and anxiety is building as you become more and more socially isolated.
Then it happens. Finally, one day, something changes. You think: “I’m not insane; they are.” And your intuition tells you so. Perhaps you were a long-time victim of a skilled abuser, but you’ve finally been able to see this for what it is.
If you’re looking for information, you might Google “emotional abuse,” start reading, and eventually certain things just start to make sense. Your entire worldview shifts, and as it does, you make a vow to yourself that you will never again allow someone to mistreat you in this way.
Your recovery journey, a path towards restoring a sense of self, rediscovering who you truly are, and what you want to do with your life, begins with your commitment to heal. Some days will be better than others once you begin this journey, and the road to recovery is undoubtedly not an easy one. There will be days when you believe you can take on the world, and there will be days when you feel like your entire world is crashing around you; trust the process, it will get better. Perseverance is key.
Being truthful with yourself and admitting that the person you loved injured you can be painful., and often, when this realization is made, the resentment, guilt and shame is self-directed. This is easier expressing hostility towards the abuser. It is a learned reaction that occurs in the aftermath of gaslighting where a victim is constantly made to feel as if they’re less than and unworthy.
A definite indication that your healing process is moving forward, however, is when you feel like you have totally accepted the circumstances and accepted responsibility for your recovery. The illusions that used to feel as if they kept you safe have lost their hold on you, and you feel as if you can begin your grieving process.
Give yourself permission to experience each stage of grieving. denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Feel each one and let your feelings out. This is necessary in order to move forward into a happy and healthy new life without the narcissist. Sustainable healing is possible. It begins and ends with you!