In order to heal fully, you have to reconnect with your authentic self. And, in order to find your authentic self, you have to know exactly what to look for. This is much easier said than done in the aftermath of trauma. If your whole world has been turned upside down, it can be hard to remember who you were prior to these life-changing events.
It’s important to remember that trauma changes things. It changes people. You will never be the same – but, this is a good thing. It means you are wiser and braver than you were before. It means you made it to the other side of the battle and you’re still going strong. You will be better equipped to fend off toxicity moving forward.
It also means you have to find the best version of yourself, the one that’s authentic now, amid the debris. You have to reconnect with that genuine being inside, who is still there and waiting to be accessed. Your authentic self now won’t be 100% the same as it was pre-trauma, but it is still the realest version of this new you.
There are several ways in which you can get back to this sense of self. It will take patience and persistence. It won’t be easy. But you’ve already proven that anything is possible. You are living proof of this. You have moved past the worst of it and need to stay centered, focused, and strong in order to make it through the final trek.
So, what can you do?
Start small and try to find a few minutes of quiet time alone. Let your thoughts race – don’t try to slow them down or redirect them. Let whatever enters your mind in these moments to enter without judgment and let one fleeting thought pass to the next. After all, the best way to find out who you really are is by allowing yourself to be you without being stifled or corrected.
This doesn’t mean you have to announce every thought. It’s best to reconnect in moments of quiet alone time so you can get to know who you are at an organic level before trying to project this version to the outside world.
Here’s the thing, too. Oftentimes trauma is inflicted on those who are “easy” to inflict it on. Abusers, manipulators, liars, and every other type of trauma-inflictor typically like to target those with poor self-esteem and self-concept, who are co-dependent or empathic. Victims tend to be more others-centered than self-focused. Predators feed off positivity until the well runs dry.
Therefore, everything that enters your mind will likely be somewhat unpleasant. You may feel shame and guilt, believing you “allowed” trauma to enter your life. You may not like the person you were pre-trauma, in the midst of trauma, and thereafter. You may be particularly self-critical.
But, it is in these internal perceptions of self that you will find the authenticity you seek. You will get acquainted with who you truly are so you can address those unhealed wounds and come up with a plan for building a stronger foundation. Of course, you can do so quietly at first, allowing the good, the bad, and the ugly to surface in order to determine next steps.
Don’t be afraid of authenticity even if it is unpleasant. Trauma is all-too-often caused by superficial and false personas. To separate yourself from this and to prevent further infliction you cannot be afraid of living in your truth. Like the saying goes, “Speak your truth even if your voice shakes.” In this truth, you will heal.
Break the silence, break the cycle.