Spousal relationships can be the cause of post-traumatic stress disorder. There are many traumatic situations that can lead to the onset of this disorder in the aftermath if one does not muster the courage to consider his or her well-being and leave once and for all. What’s more, if a trauma survivor cannot rid a trauma-inducer from their life in the aftermath of a toxic relationship, symptoms will inevitably continue. It is impossible to realize sustainable healing while still tried to this toxicity. Here are a few ways in which PTSD can be induced.
Abuse. There are many different types of spousal abuse, including physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and financial. A survivor may have experienced one, a few, or all of these in a relationship with an abusive partner. While intimate partner violence seems to take center stage as a particularly detrimental form of domestic abuse, all are actually equally devastating to one who lives through it. In fact, long after the cuts and bruises heal, mental and emotional scars tend to linger.
Financial abuse is particularly difficult to recover from because a partner becomes essentially completely dependent on their spouse’s income and ability to support him or her. Slowly but surely, one who abuses financially will strip any monetary resources from the abused so that this individual is unable to leave because they do not have the tangible resources to do so. This means victims of financial abuse tend to stay in toxic partnerships long after they realize they are being mistreated. Some manage to tuck away the funds to leave, but this can be extremely difficult under the constant radar of the financial provider.
Spousal sexual abuse can leave long-lasting scars. When this occurs, victims tend to be forced into intimate situations well outside of their comfort zone. This could mean engaging in sexual activities that are hurtful and harmful, either solely with the partner or with others. Abusers who harm their victims in this way also tend to be promiscuous openly, forcing their partners to accept this as part of the bond. This is not usually something the victim is made privy to until the abuser knows they have ‘trapped’ this person, and the behavior is both physically damaging and very emotionally damaging. Those sexually abused in childhood who enter into this sadistic bond in adulthood can experience debilitating flashbacks, panic attacks, and nightmares related to these events.
Addiction. When a victim is subjected to a situation in which their partner is addicted to substances, pornography, shopping, stealing, gambling, or even eating, among other toxic behaviors, this can lead to lasting symptoms of PTSD. The victim is often unable to have a meaningful relationship, is continually financially insecure because of excessive spending or cycling through resources and feels entirely helpless amid the chaos of habits they cannot control. What’s more, addicts tend to believe while actively engaged in their addiction that they are only hurting themselves and it is difficult to “get through” to an addicted partner, making them understand their bad habits are affecting others in their intimate space.
For this reason, addicts often get to the point of nearly losing everyone and everything before they wake up and realize the common denominator for the losses endured is their addiction. There is a lot of guilt and shame that surrounds these behaviors as well – both in the addict and in his or her loved ones. Addiction can become a vicious cycle passed on from generation to generation if individual does not become determine to break the cycle, because children living with addicts observe this as part of their reality and accept it as the norm.
Affairs. Infidelity breaks trust, and once trust is broken it is very difficult to repair. Partners who are constantly subjected to infidelity and feel as if they are constantly being lied to or have to play detective to figure out what’s going on behind their backs can develop post-traumatic stress disorder. Part of this will likely include an inability to trust future partners should they leave, a noticeable need to keep one’s guard up in future bonds, and a fear of intimacy, among other lasting effects.
Divorce. Divorce isn’t easy on anyone whether or not you have children, were together one year or thirty, have irreconcilable differences or are departing from domestic abuse. Obviously, the toxicity of divorce can be amplified in many ways, including lengthy custody battles and revenge-seeking behaviors. It is not uncommon to develop PTSD while undergoing the last traumatic effects of divorce and ongoing litigation, particularly if one feels unsafe and/or is continually being dragged into court.
To make matters worse, often individuals file for divorce without truly understanding what they’ll be up against after making this decision. More than half of all marriages now end in divorce, so it may seem commonplace and be perceived as ‘easy’ until one experiences it firsthand.
Difficult or complicated divorces can also be extremely expensive with parties filing for bankruptcy in the aftermath. Sometimes, individuals can be completely blind sighted by exes who continually drag them into court to financially devastate them into giving up their rights and is it not uncommon for litigation to end only after one party has reached this point.
Financial devastation is, of course, traumatic. The uncertainty that is inherent in court proceedings is traumatic. So, if the marriage itself was traumatic and everything that happens in the aftermath is traumatic, it’s easy to see how PTSD can develop. There is also a term called ‘litigation abuse’ which sometimes occurs and continues to occur long after the decree is signed. This is when one party continues to file frivolous, spiteful motions for an unspecified, prolonged period of time even after the two are legally unwed. Obviously, it is very difficult to realize sustainable healing when this is occurring.
There are many other ways in which a spousal relationship can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder. These are just a few of these. It is important to note, if an individual is still strong enough to develop a well thought out plan of escape on their own and leave a toxic partnership relatively unscathed, this person must take a serious look inward once they’ve reached a point in which this is possible. If the reasons behind why the choice was made not only to enter into an abusive relationship, but stay in it and accept it, aren’t properly addressed, the cycle will continue.
It is also essential that victims of spousal trauma who have ended their relationships remain steadfast in maintaining no contact with toxic exes to the best of their ability and keep pushing forward, focusing on rebuilding in the aftermath. This can certainly be easier said than done, but each and every one of us is our own best advocate when it comes to fighting for our happiness.
Don’t give up the fight once you’ve left behind a detrimental relationship. The journey towards sustainable healing is lifelong and you must renew your commitment to this journey every day.