Hi, Friends! Here I hope to give you some information on Narcissistic Personality Disorder – basically how to identify it, what the common traits are in someone who has the disorder, and what we can do to once we realize we’re dealing with a narcissist.This is the first post of many which I hope to present to you on this topic. I do have a book that’s due out in the near future that provides more of an in depth overview of NPD. Right now, the working title is Narcissistic Personality Disorder: No Band-Aide for a Wounded Soul, to be published by Mad Hatter Publishing. This title is subject to change as we move through the edits, but it should hit shelves at the end of 2017, early 2018.
Okay, so…
First of all, let me say, everyone on this planet is a narcissist. To some extent. Every one of us possesses varying degrees of narcissistic traits. It’s healthy to have confidence, right? Confidence is what gives us the strength to pursue personal goals. It’s what attracts others to us. And, it just feels good. When we have confidence, we feel like we can take on anything.
However, there is a point when confidence turns to downright arrogance. And, there’s a fine line between exhibiting healthy confidence and moving into this arrogant space, where we start to repel others and feel, inside, a sense of self-doubt and almost disdain, which can lead to lots of other fun stuff, like shame, anxiety, and depression. When it crosses over to this level, we start to move into pathological narcissism, which is a high level of false confidence that becomes detrimental to others.
Have you ever met someone, for example, who has a highly inflated ego? Someone who drones on and on about his accomplishments, even if you’re not so sure half of what he says actually happened? He seems to curtail comments from anyone else as he discusses his new promotion, or his new car, or his ability to run a mile faster than anyone he knows – whatever – you get the point. This person is what someone would call a “one-upper”. In other words, no matter what you can do, he can do just a little bit better.
And, you will never win.
This is what is termed a “self-grandiosity” and it is inherent to individuals who suffer from NPD. You see, these individuals have twisted their reality in their minds in order to cover a deep-seated resentment of self, and they’ve distorted their perceptions so much they actually come to believe the things they tell others even if they’re simply not true. And, they do it in such a way that others believe them, too. This is because, again, the storyteller believes his words. He can tell you these things while looking straight at you, without flinching. So, unless you have a reason to believe otherwise, you’re going to listen and accept.
Another trait of an individual with NPD, which is related, is a blatant disregard for cold, hard facts that prove him wrong. He will continue to voice his version of a truth even if counter-evidence is shoved right under his nose.
As you can imagine, this becomes mind-numbingly confusing to someone who is able to prove a narcissist is lying. The saddest part is that most will actually begin to doubt themselves, despite the evidence they have that exposes the narcissist.
So, for instance, say you’ve caught your narcissist spouse cheating. Just an example — a common, stereotypical example. You saw him out having dinner with another woman and they were holding hands. You approach him about it later on, and he claims you’re crazy. He was just having a meal with a friend he ran into from high school. But, I saw you holding hands, you’ll say. To which, without skipping a beat, the narcissist will respond, I was holding her hand because she just lost a loved one.
Now you feel foolish. And, this brings me to another point about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This is his goal. He wants you to feel foolish. And, he’ll do it time and time again until you are so mentally discombobulated, you start to doubt yourself in everything you do. And, you start to rely more and more on the narcissist. The ultimate goal of a true narcissist, someone with the pathological disorder, is to control you — control, manipulate, and lie to you until you wear to complete, and total dependency. Outside influences, such as your friends, your family, everyone you value other than him, will be thrown out the window. A gifted narcissist will ensure you not only cut ties with people, but you do so because you want to. It was your decision because they were trying to pull you away from the one person who understands you. Who loves you. Who wants the best for you.
Does any of this sound familiar? If so, please follow my blog. I would love to help. Whether or not you believe you need it, sometimes I’ve nice to just listen, right?
Peace and love. Until next time…