Narcissistic Victim Syndrome (NVS) is essentially a form of PTSD manifested as a result of narcissistic abuse. Symptoms include nightmares, flashbacks, avoidance, heightened reactivity, anxiety, panic, and depression. The devastating effects of NVS can last a long time.
In counseling, most clients who are victims of narcissistic abuse are diagnosed with PTSD rather than NVS for two reasons: When clients enter therapy, they may realize their symptoms are related to abuse, but do not know what narcissism is, so they don’t realize their abuser is a narcissist. Also, some mental health professionals, while taught a spectrum of disorders, are not well-versed in identifying symptoms specific to narcissistic abuse.
While Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) has long been a recognizable behavioral disorder, Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is a relatively new term. Many counselors and therapists have been trained to look for symptoms of PTSD, but it takes digging deeper and fully understanding a client is experiencing effects specific to narcissistic abuse.
So, how can we close the divide? By trying to reach those in the middle of the chaotic, mind-numbing nightmare and help them to realize what they’re experiencing isn’t normal, isn’t their fault, and can be resolved, at least to a more bearable degree.
The manipulative nature of narcissistic abuse leaves victims extremely confused and narcissists purposely gaslight their prey to make them believe they are crazy, broken, and unlovable. In making these individuals believe they are lucky to have someone as “perfect” as the narcissist give them attention the abuser lures the victim into a fully submissive, dependent state.
The only prison the victim is actually locked in, however, is a mental one. Narcissists use sadistic mind games as their primary weapon. When victims inflict injury, their abuses may also use physical abuse. This is the narcissist’s last resort to ensure the victim remains compliant.
Physical abuse leaves visible scars, which the narcissist will go to great lengths not to inflict so as to jeopardize a flawless public reputation.
Heaven help the defiant victim who wishes to remain somewhat dependent and catches on to the game quickly. This person will be the subject of the narcissist’s full wrath time and again as the abuser attempts to wear the individual down to merely an extension of self.
Cuts and bruises heal. Emotional scars last much longer.
Healing comes first with the understanding of the type of abuse inflicted. From there, it takes a victim finding their independence and sense of self lost amid the abuse. A willingness to self-reflect and identify where this inner-understanding went astray brings with it inevitable guilt and shame. This is an uncomfortable spot to sit, but the victim must sit there a while, then demand, inwardly, to leave.
Moving forward takes strength and courage. A victim will feel ashamed that they’ve allowed the abuse to occur, but one must remember the vindictive power of the narcissist tends to outweigh the kind character of those without NPD, and there was likely no way of fully grasping what was happening before it was too late.
No Contact
The emotional scarring of narcissistic abuse is only intensified by maintaining contact with an abuser. This is why victims must go no contact entirely unless they are tied to the captor by a court ordered custodial arrangement. If so, they should limit contact as much as possible. This is much easier said than done, because the narcissist will use children as a method for control, counter-parenting relentlessly.
Unfortunately, if there was marriage and children, the victim can expect to go back to court time and again, because the narcissist will never be satisfied until total control is regained. Since the victim has left, this isn’t feasible, so the second best option for the narcissist is to continue trying to destroy this individual, and the primary focus will be to take the kids, because this would cause the most pain.
So, where do we go from here?
Unfortunately, the emotional scars of narcissistic abuse can last a lifetime. So, as a survivor – heal in helping others. Entering into a relationship of any kind with a narcissist equates to playing with fire. But, if there is just one person we can save from the flame, it’s worth it, right?