By: Sara E. Teller
Narcissistic abuse is sometimes called narcissistic abuse syndrome. It may also be referred to as narcissistic victim syndrome. It is something that affects many people every single day. This form of abuse is typically emotional and psychological but can be physical as well. Unfortunately, certain people or personality types are more prone to being at risk for experiencing narcissistic abuse.
The first step to understanding who is most at risk is to first understand narcissistic abuse itself. This type of abuse is most often a tactic used by those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to instill prolonged feelings of fear, anxiety, and low self-esteem in victims. Of course, it’s important to note that abusers don’t have to be diagnosed with NPD to inflict harm on others.
Many narcissists who are also abusers have controlling tendencies. They use control, manipulation, and exploitation to reign over their victims. Oftentimes, abusers will use a variety of tactics to taint the minds of their victims and try to distort reality, making it difficult for their victims to separate fact from fiction. Using the silent treatment and engaging in passive aggressive behaviors are two common forms of manipulation for narcissists. They may also use gaslighting, triangulation, smear campaigns, and many other tactics to achieve essentially the same outcome.
Narcissists may be hard to spot at first, so it may be difficult to know if a person is dealing with one until they are closely involved with this person. They can be found in workplaces, within families and friendship groups, or most commonly, in romantic partnerships.
Moreover, narcissistic abuse can be very subtle and hard to spot. Because of this, people tend to doubt their own perceptions of what is happening and find it difficult to recount their experiences with others. Abusers are careful and deliberate and often mask the abuse well in public and around others. When brave victims speak up and their loved ones don’t believe the claims, this can be even more frustrating and scary. This can help the narcissist isolate victims so they can further control and abuse them.
Because narcissistic abusers tend to seek out certain victims, it is important to know what characteristics they tend to look for. Here are a few:
- Non-confrontational personalities: Abusers look for people who are docile and don’t like to engage in confrontation. Abusers like to remain in control, and they don’t want that control to be threatened. They tend to steer away from assertive individuals who stand up for themselves.
- A lack of confidence: They like to single out people who struggle with decision-making and are unsure of themselves and their choices. Lacking confidence and having low self-esteem are important traits that abusers are drawn to.
- Co-dependent and caretaker personalities: People who tend to sacrifice their own needs for the needs of others are definitely potential victims for narcissistic abuse. Narcissists want to ensure their own needs are always met first. They are not concerned with what others want or how they feel. Therefore, those who are also always willing to put the abuser’s needs first are ideal in their sadistic minds.
These are just a few of the common characteristics for people who may be more at-risk for becoming victims of narcissistic abuse and knowing that these are things that abusers look for can be helpful in trying to steer clear. Even more importantly, this list may help with self-reflection and recognizing certain traits that could be areas of focus for self-improvement.
It can also be helpful to recognize the signs that this type of abuse may be occurring. Here are some of the most common symptoms in narcissist abuse victims:
- Victims of narcissistic abuse may experience anxiety, depression, and mood swings. They may also struggle with low self-esteem, self-doubt, and self-blame.
- Constant criticism and belittling from the abuser can lead to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and isolation. For example, a victim of narcissistic abuse may constantly question their own worth and abilities. They may feel like they are never good enough for their abuser and may blame themselves for the abuse they are experiencing. This can lead to a cycle of negative self-talk and self-doubt that can be difficult to break.
- Victims may begin to withdraw from personal relationships and avoid social situations. They may struggle to trust others and form new relationships.
- Narcissistic abuse victims may also engage in people-pleasing behaviors and have a fear of rejection. They may feel like they have to constantly prove themselves to their abuser in order to avoid criticism or punishment. This can lead to a loss of personal identity and a sense of disconnection from one’s own needs and desires.
It is important to remember that no matter who is at risk or not, narcissistic abuse is never the victim’s fault. If you feel you are involved with a narcissist and you suspect abuse is occurring, it is important to seek help. There are mental health professionals trained to recognize and treat narcissistic abuse. They can offer support in building self-confidence and independence so boundaries can be set, and an abusive relationship can be left behind once and for all.
Break the silence, break the cycle.