Pathological narcissism is derived from deep-seated shame. While there are hereditary factors, much of the sociopath behavior displayed by this behavioral disorder is propelled to the surface due to negative circumstances, particularly trauma. Once the chaos has subsided, the emotions felt are vanished into the recesses of the narcissist’s mind with the hope that they will never resurface and happiness can be restored.
Essentially, the trauma experienced has caused the narcissist to experience self-pity and hate. Therefore, happiness can no longer be obtained internally. The narcissist is forever trying to fill this void externally by draining positivity from others.
The narcissist will align him- or herself with individuals who can supply the most reserves for the longest period of time. In other words, victims are often co-dependent, but also intelligent, accomplished and well-liked. They too are living with the after-effects of trauma, but instead of choosing to harm others, they are determined to help. They, too, avoid looking inwardly by dispelling their energy on those around them.
As long as the narcissist continues to receive narcissistic supply from those they’ve targeted, all is well in their world. They can remain in a state of false-peace and contentment. However, they are jolted back to the unacceptable feelings they endured in trauma by the slightest misstep. Therefore, they do not remain contented for long and will inevitably move a relationship from the idealize stage into devalue.
Anything that forces the narcissist to look inward and face his or her true, miserable self is said to have inflicted narcissistic injury. This is because, narcissists, at their core, are unhappy. Therefore, retrospection and self-reflection cannot deliver happiness. If a target identifies and points out the narcissist’s flaws, this causes so much pain that the narcissist will stop at nothing to destroy the person responsible.
And, outsiders can only supply a narcissist with “happiness” for a brief period of time. Narcissists are constantly on the lookout for new prey for this very reason. Like an addict in search of a drug, a narcissist needs to make sure his supply never runs out. One individual cannot physically or mentally sustain the narcissist’s needs, so eventually, they will be discarded for a fresh target.
Unfortunately, narcissists rarely enter therapy. To do so would mean they’d have to face the trauma they’ve banished long ago. They would rather live in a sort of fantasy land in which they’re sure others view them as the best thing since sliced bread, constantly discarding anyone who reveals they will never actually feel true happiness.
Genuine love and appreciation cannot be experienced with a narcissist, and a narcissist will never feel whole in seeking the supply of others. A narcissist’s pursuit of happiness is just another meaningless quest in which they end up stealing the energy of others and exploiting it for their own good.