It is not uncommon for individuals with a healthy self-concept and an active moral conscious to be concerned with whether they possess a normal or unhealthy level of narcissism. Anyone can feel this way from time to time, and this is especially true of those who have been victimized by narcissists for several reasons.
Victims of narcissistic abuse may undergo a period of time in which they identify with their captor. This sort of sadistic bonding is exactly what the narcissist hopes to incite while manipulating and gaslighting others into total dependence. The phenomenon here is commonly referred to as Stockholm syndrome, and it tends to occur after a prolonged period of abuse.
There is also research to suggest that victims begin to identify with narcissists if they are in the company of this cluster B personality for an extended period and/or most of their earliest influences included those who possessed narcissistic personality disorder. This is because victims often do not understand the gross abnormality of these behaviors before it’s too late. They come to believe the behaviors “normal” because they are just part of the day-to-day.
Those who begin to exhibit narcissistic traits after being in the company of narcissists are said to be mirroring narcissistic personality disorder. The easiest way to differentiate between someone who is mirroring from someone who inherently possesses pathological traits is to determine who might be influencing the individual at any given time, or who might have in the early years, and encourage him or her to enter into individual counseling where their true feelings and intentions can be discussed without outside influences.
Of course, many victims also develop narcissistic traits as a way to cope with the abuse. They believe if they think or act in a certain way, the narcissist will appreciate their efforts to adapt and somehow be more lenient. They will not be subjected to a certain level of abuse, and their situation will become more manageable.
It is not uncommon for those who possess a healthy level of narcissism to worry that they may be carrying around pathological traits. We see how this can readily happen in individuals who have been abused by narcissists. However, it can happen to anyone.
When one begins to research narcissistic personality disorder and understand how detrimental the associated traits are to other people, there will be a natural aversion to these and likely a concerted effort to avoid mirroring them at all costs. There is also a prevalent misconception about NPD, and that largely has to do with confusion surrounding what level of narcissism is healthy and what is not.
We are all allowed to be self-confident. We have to love ourselves before we can effectively love anyone else. And, by nature, human beings want to project their best selves to the rest of the world. This might mean we check the mirror before heading out, take care of our bodies, buy nice clothes, establish ourselves professionally, etc. It is pertinent not to confuse these healthy, humanistic traits with those characteristics that intentionally inflict harm on other people.
It is also important to understand that narcissism is a spectrum concept in behavioral health, and that possessing no narcissism at all, or a very low level, is just as detrimental to one’s well-being as crossing over to the pathological side. Those who possess very low levels of narcissism are said to be co-dependent, and these individuals are very susceptible to becoming entrapped by those with NPD. In fact, if a co-dependent survivor of narcissistic abuse doesn’t acknowledge this, they are likely to continue re-entering abusive relationships time and again.
Understanding what constitutes pathological narcissism and what can be classified simply as a normal level of self-confidence is vital to developing a healthy self-image. When we can differentiate between the two, we can do and feel certain things more freely, and this allows us to be more genuine, others-centered individuals. Comprehending the differences is an integral part of sustainable healing.
Break the silence, break the cycle.