Battling a narcissist in court is not easy. There are some simple steps you can take, however, to make it more manageable.
1 – Document, document, document. Narcissists are pathological liars. They not only twist the truth, but they deliver untruths in such a way that it can be extremely convincing. This is why they are able to reel in and trap prey and why it’s difficult to get others to understand the burden the victim carries. If facing off against a narcissist in court, it is not only important to attempt to predict what he or she will argue but to have evidence ready proving their version is not factual. If you believe the narcissist will argue that he is the primary caregiver of minor children in a custodial battle, for instance, make sure to bring receipts, photos and other records from doctors, daycares, schools, and other activities related to the children that prove you were involved.
2 – Never let your guard down. It is common for narcissists to prep before the court date by buttering you up and making you believe they don’t have anything up their sleeve. However, having been in a close encounter with this abuser, you will likely already be familiar with the game of catch-and-release. The narcissist most actively utilizes this during the devalue stage of a relationship. This is the stage that has likely pulled you into this battle. Never trust a narcissist. Period. They will never have the best interest of another in mind. They are incredibly self-serving, and if an individual or circumstance no longer serves them, they will be disregarded. Never forget this. The narcissist is only playing nice to break down your wall and make sure you don’t arrive prepared.
3 – Always expect the unexpected. Just as you did when the idealize stage quickly transitioned into devaluation. The once perfect partner of yours instantly became a monster. This pattern then began to happen time and time again, making you feel as if you’re living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, never knowing what to expect. One minute you’re being abused, the next the narcissist is apologizing and buying flowers. The narcissist will operate relatively the same with an intimate partner regardless of the setting if he or she feels they will not be caught. This means one minute they could be recounted on the stand how great they felt your relationship was, the next they’re telling everyone how abusive you were. By nature, they talk out of both sides of their mouth, and are therefore, completely unpredictable. They do not follow normal social patterns. Be prepared to actively defend your character at every turn.
4 – Remember who you are. It is difficult to reconnect with the self that was lost amid abuse, but it is important to find this person again during a court battle. Who were you before the narcissist entered and who are you now that they’ve left? Identify the point in which you inevitably gave up and realize that this is the fault of the abuser, not the abused. An individual can only take so much before they lose the will to continue fighting. You are not who the narcissist has made you out to be regardless of how you handled abuse. You are a victim and a survivor. Remember this and be prepared to demonstrate your qualities despite the lies that surface.
5 – Bring a support system. Part of fighting for who you are and battling against character defamation is surrounding yourself with people who know the true you. These are individuals who likely knew you before the abuse, or were able to recognize the victimization and were willing to advocate on your behalf. Bring all who are willing with you to testify on your behalf and challenge the narcissist’s case.
Opposing a narcissist in court may be the toughest thing you will ever have to do. The injury inflicted on your abuser will unveil narcissistic rage and this individual will become bound and determine to destroy you. It is very important to be prepared to the best of your ability, to summon strength and to be unafraid to reveal what you know to be true. This is your chance to reclaim your independence and out the narcissist. In doing so, you will ultimately find peace. Have the courage to brave the dark before the dawn.
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