Self-care is essential after breaking ties with a narcissist, and in the beginning, it will likely be mainly focused on reconnecting with what was lost. Narcissists love to gaslight their victims into submission, making them distrust their own instincts, values, and perspective of the world. If the narc is successful, a victim will release a sense of independence entirely and assume her role and whole purpose as existing to serve the narcissist. The narcissist’s goal, always, is to get a target to understand this role and thrive in it. Gaslighting the victim into believing she should feel honored that the narcissist chose her to fulfill this mission will commonly make the victim willingly release all doubt in the partnership.
Thus, a significant piece of self tends to be lost when one enters a narcissistic partnership. That piece that existed before which was ambitious, goal-oriented, confident will have inevitably gone by the wayside. And it is this piece that needs to be the focus in the aftermath.
To further complicate matters, depending on how long the toxic relationship lasted, a new self may lie dormant waiting to emerge. Not only would you have matured and changed even if the narc had never entered, but you are wiser now in the aftermath of abuse. So, just because you enjoyed something prior to meeting the narc, this doesn’t mean you still will in your present life. It is important not to view this as an inability to reconnect with a piece of you, but as a consequence of time. Understanding what would have changed regardless of where life led you is important. Don’t try to hold onto something that seems far too foreign or is not enjoyable any longer.
You should also identify those aspects of self that you still enjoy but which you have been unable to engage in because of the narcissist’s wrath. Re-engage with these things. When you begin doing so, you will start to feel alive again. You will feel empowered by your ability to take back what was lost for far too long, and this will keep you determined to never go back to what you’ve escaped no matter how hard the narcissist may try to trap you once again.
One way to do this effectively is by practicing mindful meditation. Sit in a quiet space somewhere where you will be uninterrupted and can truly connect with your thoughts. Ask yourself to recall those things that are important to you and which make you feel alive. Pay attention to how each passing thought makes you feel and the meaning your mind and body assigns to it. If you feel emotionally fulfilled by something your mind has brought to the forefront, this is still a significant piece of who you are. It is still relevant to your present self and should be pursued. If a thought feels forced or there is no feeling auto-assigned to it, let it pass. This may no longer be relevant to your healing process. Do this as often as you’d like to reconnect with any pieces that may have been suppressed amid toxicity and invite them into your world moving forward.