When a narcissist can no longer control a victim, he or she must maintain a sense of dominance by controlling how others perceive these individuals. This is often accomplished by initiating smear campaigns. The purpose here is two-fold.
Narcissistic Injury
Injury was inflicted when the victim finally summoned the courage to leave, so in the mind of a narcissist, revenge must be sought. The narcissist will do everything in his or her power to destroy the happiness and well-being of victims who’ve left if they refuse to come back for the final discard (even if they’ve already returned to be discarded and are now on their own, likely without anything). A victim is never entirely disconnected from the narcissist, whether this means the person is still physically or mentally tied to the abuser. The narcissist must make certain that the abuse continues, even if indirectly. Therefore, the abuser will tell tall-tales to any mutual connections who will listen and ensure anyone new who walks into the narcissist’s life believes the victim is crazy. (Note: New victims will likely be kept separate from the old, unable to reach out, so the narcissist can maintain these falsities.)
Reputation Protection
The narcissist needs to ensure his or her true self is not revealed to anyone “on the outside” or is protected from any potential new partners for as long as possible. In order to do so, the narcissist will initiate a smear campaign, involving anyone and everyone in the victim’s social and professional circles — really, anyone who will listen— in an attempt to convince these individuals the victim is a terrible person. Some common tactics used by narcissists are convincing authorities the victim is abusive, an unfit parent, has committed a crime, etc.; convincing family members and friends the victim has been abusive and needs mental help, is an addict/alcoholic, is hiding things from them, has talked negatively about them, etc.; convincing employers the victim is stealing, handling personal affairs on the company’s time, has voiced hating his or her position, etc.
What Can I Do About It?
Bottom line here — the narcissist must maintain a perfect false façade at all costs, which is primarily made possible through control and manipulation. If unable to directly control the victim because this person has been “freed” from the clutches of the abuser, the narcissist will indirectly maintain control by utilizing smear campaigns.
The best thing victims can do here is continue being who they’ve always been. Anyone who matters won’t mind and anyone who minds doesn’t matter, right? In other words, those who truly know and love the victim won’t believe a word the narcissist is saying. Even if they do, because we all know just how manipulative these individuals can be, they will approach the victim and let this person know what’s happening so a discussion can be had and the victim can state his or her case.
Never be afraid to speak up, either. You are no longer behind closed doors. You are protected by your newfound freedom. Always maintain a safety plan and never let your guard down. However, voicing the abuse you’ve suffered is not only the best medicine but could very well help others. Share your knowledge and experience — break the silence, break the cycle.