So, how do you know that a relationship has become toxic? How much is enough? When should you walk away?
Everyone is different. Every situation is different. Everyone has a unique set of values, morals, ideologies and a certain tolerance threshold that makes up one’s individual identity. Therefore, in considering when it’s appropriate to leave a toxic situation, it’s a bit unnerving to digest, but not entirely surprising, I’d imagine, the answer is…
It depends.
While some would walk after the first argument, it’s all too common to look inward first, believing there is something inside of ourselves that should change in order to make this relationship work. There’s something we could have done or said differently in the midst of contention, and we just know we can do better next time. We won’t allow ourselves to react the way we did in the future. We’ll make sure we respond more rationally.
It’s easy to justify away the pain.
The problem is, it happens again and again if we’re with a toxic partner and choose this route, and each time, it becomes more and more difficult to leave. This is true despite the fact that we make ourselves feel better about a situation because “if he does it again, it’ll be easier to leave” and we make promises to ourselves that we won’t allow the behavior to continue. It’s easier this way, at least temporarily. It helps to calm us, to make us “okay” with the toxicity that surrounds the partnership.
But, we become more invested in the toxicity the longer we stay.
And, somewhere, something inside of us tells us we know better. We know we shouldn’t stay. We’re wrong, and we know that things will never change unless we initiate this change. If we’re being honest with ourselves, we know we have to choose to take the hard route, a route that only gets harder the more time that passes, not easier, despite how convincing we can be when we’re being adrenaline-rushed through hell.
How much is enough and when should we walk away?
The second our relationship induces pain – that’s enough. We should grab our bags and go before things get worse. We know hindsight is 20/20.
But, this is so much easier said than done.
The fact that you’ve stumbled across this post is probably a good sign that it’s time to understand how much better you deserve. You’ve clearly witnessed enough to know that you’re in a toxic situation and are looking for some assurance that you should leave.
You need some kind of validation for what you already know is true. Why?
Respect yourself and know that no one can make you unhappy unless you allow it. You must first allow someone to take your happiness hostage and have control over your emotional state.
Take back what is rightfully yours. Break the silence, break the cycle. Please share.