Addiction is detrimental to any partnership. It destroys trust through hiding behaviors, guilt, shame, isolation, and emotional instability. It is difficult for the non-addict to understand why the person they love would disconnect from them in this way and place some sort of maladaptive behavior above the bond. Many relationships fail because of addiction, and the effects of the turmoil experienced linger.
When a victim is subjected to a situation in which their partner is addicted to substances, pornography, shopping, stealing, gambling, or even eating, among other toxic behaviors, this can lead to lasting symptoms of PTSD. The victim is often unable to have a meaningful relationship, is continually financially insecure because of excessive spending or cycling through resources and feels entirely helpless amid the chaos of habits they cannot control. What’s more, addicts tend to believe while actively engaged in their addiction that they are only hurting themselves and it is difficult to “get through” to an addicted partner so they can understand their bad habits are affecting others in their intimate space.
Living with an addict and being unable to save this person often leads to feelings of profound frustration and disappointment. It may make the partner feel undervalued, unimportant, incapable or even worthless. Being unable to save someone who you love is immensely devastating and causes imaginable grief.
It is important to seek professional counseling in the aftermath of a relationship with an addict. If you choose to return to your partner after a period of sobriety, it is common to relive the same painful emotions and continue experiencing PTSD largely because they’re no telling whether the addict will engage in these behaviors again. There is no way to control the actions of others, and this is particularly true of the addictions of others – no matter how much love there is between you.
If you choose not to return, it can also be difficult to enter into a new, healthy partnership. Symptoms such as anxiety and paranoia may make you believe a new partner is hiding things, keeping secrets, or not communicating openly enough even if they are. The new partner may be held to a far-too-high standard and feel as if he or she can never do anything right. This is because PTSD causes the anticipation of failure, and someone who has not adequately recovered from a failed relationship will be subconsciously waiting for the new bond to deteriorate.
It is important to get help in order to move forward effectively in the aftermath of addiction, and to ensure you are maintaining healthy boundaries amid realistic expectations. It is also vital to understand you are enough, and the addiction of another will always be beyond your control. It wasn’t your fault, and you deserve happiness. It is possible to love again in the aftermath of trauma, and it starts with loving yourself.