Divorce is never an easy decision to make. When we vow to spend the rest of our lives with someone, divorce can make us feel as if we lied about our commitment to the other person – or that we failed. Even when we realize a separation is entirely necessary, mitigating the waters of this separation can be difficult and feel all-consuming.
Divorce isn’t easy on anyone whether or not you have children, were together one year or thirty, have irreconcilable differences or are departing from domestic abuse. Obviously, the toxicity of divorce can be amplified in many ways, including lengthy custody battles and revenge-seeking behaviors. It is not uncommon to develop PTSD while undergoing the last traumatic effects of divorce and ongoing litigation, particularly if one feels unsafe and/or is continually being dragged into court.
To make matters worse, often individuals file for divorce without truly understanding what they’ll be up against after making this decision. More than half of all marriages now end in divorce, so it may seem commonplace and be perceived as ‘easy’ until one experiences it firsthand.
Difficult or complicated divorces can also be extremely expensive with parties filing for bankruptcy in the aftermath. Sometimes, individuals can be completely blind sighted by exes who continually drag them into court to financially devastate them into giving up their rights and is it not uncommon for litigation to end only after one party has reached this point.
Financial devastation is, of course, traumatic. The uncertainty that is inherent in court proceedings is traumatic. So, if the marriage itself was traumatic and everything that happens in the aftermath is traumatic, it’s easy to see how PTSD can develop. There is also a term called ‘litigation abuse’ which sometimes occurs and continues to occur long after the decree is signed. This is when one party continues to file frivolous, spiteful motions for an unspecified, prolonged period of time even after the two are legally unwed. Obviously, it is very difficult to realize sustainable healing when this is occurring.
Divorce is life-changing. And, many particularly difficult life-changing events can induce PTSD. It is a common misconception that counseling and other support services are only needed when a marriage begins to break down in an attempt to repair it, and it is important to seek out support in the aftermath of divorce. You will regain your strength and fortitude once you’re able to accept your decision and understand why it was made. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.