By: Sara E. Teller
Have you ever stopped to think about where narcissistic behavior comes from? What it is about a person that leads them down a path toward treating others with such disregard? This is certainly a complicated question to answer, but there are some development factors that lead to the onset of NPD.
Before we get started, it’s worth saying that every case is different, and no two people are exactly alike. While it’s likely that some commonalities can be found from one narcissist to the next, each person’s life experience is complex, and a mix of countless factors is going to be responsible for where people end up once they reach adulthood.
A Defense Mechanism
Perhaps the most likely theory on why an adult would end up as a clinical narcissist comes back to the way that individual was treated as a child. Specifically, the relationship with the child’s mother seems to be particularly important. When a child has a fair and supportive mother, who offers affection in line with what is expected, narcissism later in life becomes less likely.
It’s when the mother – or perhaps both parents – withholds affection and is distant emotionally that problems may arise. Feeling unwanted and unloved, the child may take his or her personality in the other direction and decide to build up an elevated view of their place in the world. This way, they are guarding against insecurity that was seeded by a lack of parental affection by constantly telling the world how great they are – even if that means tearing down others along the way.
An Opposite Approach
Somewhat ironically, it’s also possible to arrive at narcissism through the opposite path – receiving unending adoration and praise from authority figures in early life. This is the classic example of parents who think their kids can do no wrong. If a child is never told that they made a mistake, or did something they shouldn’t have done, that child is going to have a hard time accepting any blame or fault later in life. If they were “perfect” as children, why would that stop when they reach adulthood?
So, in this case, rather than developing a narcissistic personality as a defense mechanism, it is simply a continuation of what they’ve always known. It’s not going to be the case that they are hiding from some darker feelings or insecurities, but rather they are just living out the life that they were brought up to live from a young age. Their parents treated them as though they were without fault and better than their peers, so it’s only natural that the child would continue to see the world that way when they become an adult.
Genetic Possibilities
It is also possible, although harder to determine, that genetic makeup can play a part in narcissism. This might be what happens when someone with a seemingly sound, stable foundation in life still winds up with clinical narcissism. Of course, there is no way currently available to do any kind of genetic testing to evaluate this theory, so it remains just a vague possibility for now until science reaches a level where testing for such things may become possible.
Getting Treatment for Narcissism
If someone is diagnosed as having narcissistic personality disorder, it may be possible to improve on those behaviors and build a foundation that is going to make it possible to forge meaningful, healthy relationships later in life. Such treatment might not be enough to save a relationship that has already been damaged by narcissistic behavior, but it could help this individual address their issues and become more emotionally mature and balanced.
One of the first hurdles that is often found in these cases is getting the individual to accept help from a therapist in the first place. Remember, the narcissist sees himself or herself as beyond fault, so they frame all problems in life as the responsibility of someone else. Accepting help from a therapist means getting past that roadblock and taking ownership of their actions. If that is achieved, then it may be possible to start working on things like how their actions impact others, what it could mean for their life if they are able to change those actions and developing a more realistic worldview than the one that is currently held.
Doing What’s Best for You
At the end of the day, if you find yourself dealing with a narcissist in your life, it doesn’t particularly matter where that behavior came from originally. You need to take care of yourself and your loved ones, and take whatever steps are needed to minimize the damage that is done by this individual. While this information is good to know, usually it won’t change a narcissist’s worldview, and since we can only change our own behaviors and how we react to others, it’s important to protect yourself.