Gaslighting is a powerful and purposeful control tactic in which the narcissist makes the victim question their own sanity. By ensuring the victim cannot trust their own words or actions, the narc is able to render the victim helpless. This allows him to take control of the individual and maintain this control as the victim becomes completely submissive.
There are many ways in which a narcissist uses gaslighting to garner a sense of superiority and dominance. However, the multitude of approaches can be categorized primarily as individual, communal, and societal gaslighting. Let’s take a look at each of these in turn.
Individual. This involves the manipulation of one person whom the narc has deemed inferior and able to be manipulated. He commonly will gaslight this individual in order to gain supply from the power he has over this person. Spouses and children of narcissists are common targets. The narcissist goes to great lengths to ensure his mind-numbing game is effective, so he has the upper hand in the household. Individual gaslighting is typically used when the narcissist is confronted about other control tactics, including limiting access to finances, monitoring phone calls, or determining exactly how his family is allowed to look in public. These are forms of mental and emotional abuse. If the narc is confronted, however, he will twist the circumstances in a way that the victims will be left questioning why they thought it was such a big deal to begin with.
Communal. Communal gaslighting involves the manipulation of others within the narcissist’s community, including his family members, coworkers and direct reports, and acquaintances who believe they are friends of the narc. It’s a way to get others to side with the narcissist and do his bidding. It allows him to carry out his underhanded tactics with little resistance. Communal gaslighting is also commonly used when the narc wishes to incite a smear campaign against an individual who refuses to comply. By doing so, he isolates the target, eliminating any social supports. This form of gaslighting can be particularly dangerous because it involves brainwashing groups of people who become willing to see the narc’s point-of-view and help to carry out his sadistic intentions.
Societal. Perhaps the most dangerous form of gaslighting, this involves the manipulation of the masses. It occurs when the narcissist has risen to a position of power and is able to influence large groups of people. If questioned about his words or actions, the narcissist will gladly take center stage to regain his naysayers’ favor. Adolf Hitler, a prime example, was able to get his followers to commit murder. Many who at first opposed him eventually became loyal followers and did as he wished. Because narcissists are master manipulators, they tend to be able to rise to positions of power, which can be very detrimental. We often see societal gaslighting play out in dictatorships and in those countries where political leaders are willing to take extreme measures to garner trust and ensure societal compliance.
All gaslighting is unhealthy and leaves a lasting effect on the recipient. In fact, it tends to leave emotional scars long after a victim has been physically released from their trauma and is one of the primary reasons narcissistic abuse victims endure post-traumatic stress disorder long after the fact. It leads to deep distrust of others that is not easy to shake and causes them to question every potentially meaningful relationship in their lives. However, understanding the early warning signs of gaslighting can help a victim escape a toxic union before it’s too late.
Knowledge is power. Break the silence, break the cycle.