Love bombing occurs in the beginning stage of a relationship with a pathological narcissist. It can be difficult to identify signs of love bombing, or these signs can be easily misconstrued. The general premise is that everything will appear to be perfect. You will likely be very smitten by this new person who seems to be everything you’ve ever dreamed of. And because of this, it is easy to dismiss red flags, such as excessive clinginess and overprotective traits.
Narcissists have an uncanny ability to pick up on cues from you regarding what you’re looking for in a partnership and using these to morph into your perfect match. Love bombing basically means they will study you, determine what’s most important to you, and be all of these things. Usually, they do so to the extreme. If you make mention of feeling suffocated, the narc will likely give you a false sob story about not having a healthy sense of self-confidence because of past failed relationships or childhood abandonment issues he continues to harbor. This is designed for you to take pity on him and decide to support him rather than leave.
It’s important to understand that regardless of how long the love bombing stage lasts (which will be as long as it takes to trap you), it exists only to ensure you fully commit to the relationship and cannot easily leave. Toxic relationships with narcs are so textbook they always following three distinct and progressive stages – idealize (love bombing), devalue and discard. Once the narc believes he has you completely trapped, he will begin to devalue you. This can come out of nowhere and is a form of gaslighting meant to validate your perceived dependency and ensure he has you under his thumb.
Some signs you’re being loved bombed are as follows:
You are showered with compliments. Narcissists love to make you feel larger than life in the beginning of the partnership. Doing so easily masks the fact that the person is an ill-intended narcissist. After all, what narcissist would take the time to compliment anyone but himself and as often as your partner does? It’s just part of the game, however, to make you believe this person is genuinely well-intended and has your best interest in mind, so you’ll submit to the narcissist’s real wishes and become totally dependent.
And gifts. Narcissists love to give excessive gifts early on. You may receive a diamond necklace or a new car within just a few weeks of the relationship. This can be flattering to the victim, who will be made to believe if she stays, the narcissist will always take care of her and ensure she has everything she ever wanted. However, there is, of course, more devious intentions lurking below the surface. The narcissist views your relationship like he would any other investment he’s made to better himself. He is willing to invest significantly upfront to realize a lifelong return, and this investment won’t last forever. Showering you with expensive gifts is also a form of narcissistic grandiosity and self-flattery. It’s a blatant demonstration of the narcissist’s wealth and worth as a partner.
Excessive attention. Everything the narcissist does during the love bombing stage is to the extreme. This is part of the grandiose personality of the narcissist. Thus, he will also give you his undying attention – usually to the extreme. Again, if you feel suffocated and voice this, you will be hit by some made up reason why your attention is so important to your partner. You will likely dismiss signs of disrespecting your personal boundaries, including excessive phone calls, texts or emails, showing up at your work or home unexpectedly and insisting you spend every waking minute together, as a product of a troubled past that will eventually be fixed by your kindness. The truth is – the narcissist is extremely insecure and needs to know exactly what you’re doing at all times to ensure you are staying loyal and are allowing him to control you.
A rush to commit. The narcissist’s sole goal in love bombing you is to trap you so he can ‘finally’ be his true self. The false façade is exhausting to the narcissist and it cannot be maintained forever. Time is off the essence. Therefore, he will rush you into committing to the relationship. Many times, victims are living with the narcissist, get married and/or pregnant with his child, and have all finances combined within weeks or months of meeting this person. The narcissist’s dream partner goes with the flow and allows him to call all the shots, quickly becoming subservient so he can stop pretending.
These are some of the most common signs of love bombing. Victims of narcissistic abuse lucky enough to escape will often question why they didn’t see these signs sooner. They will wonder why they allowed the narcissist to insert himself into every aspect of the victim’s life to the point that there was absolutely no privacy, self-identity or separation of self. If you can identify these red flags early on, they are surefire signals you are being groomed into dependence. It’s time to hit the road!
Knowledge is power. Break the silence, break the cycle.
For more information, check out What Is Love Bombing?