By: Sara E. Teller
Leaving a narcissistic relationship is likely going to be one of the most difficult things that you’ll ever do. Narcissists depend on their victims, the people they are able to emotionally, financially, and psychologically drain. They crave finding someone to abuse and manipulate. This helps them to fulfill their own needs and to constantly prove to themselves they are better, stronger, and superior to everyone else. Moreover, with all of the gaslighting, and the constant battles, chances are you are already exhausted, and this makes leaving an abusive relationship that much more difficult. Luckily, it is possible if you trust your gut, instill strong boundaries until you can get out once and for all, and keep reminding yourself of the reasons why you need to walk away.
Here are some things that you should know in order to escape a potentially dangerous situation, and what to do to finally leave and go no contact:
Say no to “another chance”
Recent studies have shown that it takes the average person 5-7 tries to leave an abusive relationship. A common occurrence among narcissists is trying to seduce their victim back, only for them to call things off. This is done because everything needs to be on their own terms.
If the narcissist isn’t ready for you to leave, they will likely turn on the waterworks and plead with you to stay, telling you how sorry they are. They will suddenly become willing to go to great lengths to maintain the relationship.
Everything they do will be temporary.
Never tell them that you are leaving.
Although difficult, refrain from telling the narcissist you want to end the relationship. This may seem counterintuitive, but if you give away your intentions, a toxic person will attempt one of two things: They will either try to love-bomb you to keep you both mentally and emotionally trapped using trauma-bonding or their behaviors will become even more volatile, causing damage to your overall wellness, physical safety or reputation. Often, a victim will experience both. By not telling them you are leaving, you are preventing them from continuing to have control over you and the situation.
Document everything.
Having documentation of dangerous situations and events can help protect you from your abuser. It will help you should you have to go to court to dissolve the relationship or if you need to seek out services for abuse victims. It is especially important to document if you’re going to endure a nasty custody battle. In any case, leaving a narcissist will be “war,” and you’ll want to be armed with as much information as possible to help yourself get out – and stay out.
Don’t believe their lies.
If a narcissist has never cooked and cleaned and are suddenly doing both – and telling you about it, of course – they will not continue should you return. If they are going to anger management or counseling after you begged for years for them to and they refused – they will not continue if you return. Their number one goal is creating an environment where the victim feels as if they don’t need to leave because the relationship has suddenly become everything they ever wanted. Don’t fall for this smoke and mirrors game.
Remember, you always have a choice! No matter how much gaslighting has likely made you feel otherwise, you are capable of leaving. Trust your gut and refer back to the memories of who the narcissist was before this time. Remember that these individuals are experts as gaslighting and manipulation. Stay strong and stay gone!
Break the silence. Break the cycle.