Why are You Still Smiling? This is why.

Why are you still smiling?  I was once asked this during a very dark period in my life.  I had just opened up about a bunch of crazy things that I had been through and was still going through, and yet, for one reason or another, I couldn’t stop smiling.  This woman gave me an inquisitive look as she posed the question, which was followed immediately by, “You’re clearly crazy.”

Let me tell you why I was smiling, though, and perhaps you’d beg to differ.  I was smiling because I had just gone through the most trying battle of my entire life, and I had made it to the other side.  And, at one point, I realized very clearly that if future-me had stepped into the past, tapped past-me on the shoulder, and asked if I was ready to do this, past-me would have ran and hid, crying the whole way. 

I had just proven to myself that I am strong and worthy and able.  And I deserve to be freed from self-doubt and misery.  I deserved to live a life without abuse.

And, that’s why I was smiling.

Sure, there were still bricks being thrown – daily, actually.  I was still in the storm.  But I was quietly taking hold of each and building a fortress .  I showed up for battle, again and again, and even if I was still terrified, I smiled. 

What is it about smiling that really throws people off, anyway? 

Know this – you not only can keep smiling, you should.  Because you have every right to.  If you have successfully navigated away from the throes of abuse and have emerged on the other side alive and, relatively well considering, you have a reason to smile. 

Sure, things are going to be muddy for a while.  You won’t have all of the answers.  You’re likely to still be in the middle of a mess for some time.  There will be hoovering, maybe some further gaslighting, more attempts to destroy you or how others perceive you.  But, really, none of that stuff can affect you unless you let it.  You hold the key to your well-being.  And sometimes being called crazy is a good thing – it means that despite all of the loss, heartache, and chaos, you chose positivity, and this is evident to others.  They can’t wrap their heads around it, and they want what you’ve got.

Keep smiling.  Stand in the middle of the storm, arms outstretched, face to the sky – and keep smiling.  You’re a warrior.  You deserve to.

Break the silence, break the cycle.