Sara E. Teller
All types of abuse require a healing process. It’s not healthy to just attempt to pretend that the abuse didn’t happen while trying to move on with life. Whatever form of abuse you’ve experienced, it needs to be dealt with, addressed, and put into its proper place so you can move forward. This process isn’t easy, to be sure, but it’s essential for your future health and well-being.
This story does not change when it is narcissistic abuse that has occurred. The emotional games that are often played in a relationship by a narcissist can make it difficult to move forward and build healthy, supportive relationships in the future. Here are ten tips for how you can start the healing process.
#1 – Leave the Relationship. This might sound like an obvious point, but it needs to be at the start of our list to highlight its importance. You aren’t going to be able to work toward healing if you are still in an emotionally abusive relationship. While it can be hard to leave, you’ll need to do so if you’re going to find yourself in a better place with a partner who is healthier and more supportive.
#2 – Build a Support System. Your support system can take many different shapes depending on your situation. For some, having just a single trusted friend will be enough, as that person can talk you through various emotions and help you find yourself once again. For others, it might be best to work with a professional therapist to establish a framework for healing that can be used to make steady progress.
#3 – Accept the Grieving. Even if the relationship was emotionally abusive and you wanted it to end, you are still going to be dealing with a loss – and all losses require some type of grieving. As hard as it can be to do, you’ll want to open yourself up to accepting that reality and letting the grief come over you when it does. This is a better solution than trying to pretend the grief doesn’t exist.
#4 – Build Self-Care Habits. These habits will look different from person to person, but these should be things that you enjoy doing and will give you reasons to feel optimistic and excited again. It could be as simple as taking time for an exercise habit like running or yoga – but this is just one of many possible options.
#5 – Find Forgiveness – For Yourself. Many people in this situation wind up blaming themselves for what has happened, even though it wasn’t their fault at all. To truly find healing and put this experience in the past, you are going to need to genuinely forgive yourself and let go of any mistakes that you think you might have made.
#6 – Go Entirely No Contact. After a relationship has ended, you might find that the person you broke up with continues to try and contact you and start the relationship up once again. Don’t fall into this trap – and don’t let this communication continue. Healing will be far more likely if you are able to cut off contact and just move on. Using tools like blocking them on social media or blocking their number in your phone can be important steps.
#7 – Embrace Patience. Healing takes time. You can’t rush through this process, as much as you would like to. Understand that you are going to have to be patient and that your progress will likely be gradual, rather than sudden.
#8 – Make a Change. Sometimes, making a notable change in life can help you feel refreshed and more positive about your future. This might mean taking some classes to improve your career prospects, getting on a fitness regimen to enhance your health, or doing some renovations to your home. Those are just a few of countless possible examples.
#9 – Learn Important Lessons. How did you wind up in this situation? Do you feel like there were signs early in this relationship that could have alerted you to problems coming later? You should not be blaming yourself for anything that has happened, but you can also learn from the experience, so you can feel confident about the choices you make in future relationships.
#10 – Let It Go. Finally, once you have gone through all of the emotions and feelings that you needed to process, it will be time to let go of the experience and move on fully with life. This will happen at different times for different people, so don’t feel bad if it takes a while or feels especially difficult to do – but there will come a day when the time is right to fully let go.
While the ideas above should help you head in the right direction, you might not be able to do this alone. Consider looking into the possibility of professional help to sort through what has happened and what needs to be done to move forward and limit the impact that this abuse has on the rest of your life.