Narcissistic abusers not only expect their victims to comply with their sadistic demands, they expect them to cover for them at all times, at all costs. If there’s any reason to believe that a victim won’t abide by these rules, they’ll employ more overt, physical, tactics meant to ensure their victims will remain subservient. And, once this threshold has been crossed, there’s really no telling what they’ll do.
Narcissistic abuse relies on total compliance and the façade is strengthened by the support of others. If a victim is noncompliant only once, she’ll quickly realize why the status quo needs to be maintained. The narcissist’s tactics will abruptly go from covert to overt, and everything she felt she was outing by retaliating will be dished out ten-fold.
If the abuser hasn’t yet become physically aggressive, this could change in the blink of an eye. Amid confrontation, the narcissist could be so overwhelmed with injury, he cannot contain himself and will no longer be satisfied with abusing by strictly passive-aggressive means. He is likely to lash out, and if it’s for the first time, this act alone may frighten the victim back into a subservience.
The first strike is typically met with shock and disbelief. The victim quite literally “doesn’t know what hit her.” The narcissist may be satisfied with this reaction, especially if the victim retreats and promises to never again turn on him again. Or, his wrath may be so great, that’ll he’ll continue being aggressive until the victim is badly hurt – or, even worse.
If a victim is physically abused and becomes trapped in the vicious cycle of battered women’s syndrome, the blows are likely to escalate. This means, if she doesn’t leave after the first time her abuser becomes physical, the confrontations will continue and are likely to gradually worsen over time. This is because the narcissist will believe he hasn’t adequately taught the victim a lesson.
Narcissistic abuse, by its very nature, is a means of control via methods meant to be kept under the radar. Narcissists, therefore, typically don’t like to “have to” become aggressive. They don’t want to leave visible marks. They’d prefer to utilize mental and emotional scarring, instead. This way, they can’t easily be outed.
However, if the narcissist gets physical, a pattern is likely to ensue. He lashes out, leaves bumps and bruises, elaborately apologizes and continues to abuse via emotional means until he ultimately lashes out again and the cycle continually repeats. The victim becomes trapped by cognitive dissonance, a common reaction to, and component of, battered women’s syndrome.
Crossing Over to Acceptance
Accepting the abuse is, unfortunately, the most common reaction and one that could ensure the victim will forever stay trapped. Basically, the victim retrains her thought processes to believe the aftereffects of confrontation “aren’t really that bad.” Or, she deserved it. This twisted way of thinking is further solidified by gaslighting – essentially, the narcissist agrees and, thus, makes the victim believe it’s all her fault.
One thing’s for sure. Once the narcissist gets a taste of the exhilaration he feels after physical confrontation, whether or not the victim makes good on her word to never again cross him, this will not be the only altercation. It will happen time and again so the narcissist can revisit this high.
Often, it takes the input of an objective observer to pull an abuse victim out of this state of tunnel vision and convince her what’s happening is NOT okay. It’s typical for victims to become embarrassed over what’s happening and refuse to confide in anyone for fear that they’ll think they’re crazy. But, it takes just one especially intuitive observer to save them.
Don’t be afraid to get involved. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, call 1-800-799-7233.