Because narcissists are predators who are drawn to natural givers, these givers are prone to having to ward off dangerous mates. It’s not entirely a one-way street, either. Givers, also often referred to as co-dependents, are drawn to the apparent neediness of the narcissist and will instinctively place themselves into a subservient role. A match made in…hell.
In order to avoid getting back into the game with a narcissist, first, take the time to self-reflect and truly rediscover who you are as an individual. This means actually spending time alone, in peace, and trying to remember what makes you happy. If everything that enters your mind involves serving others, you have more work to do. Think harder. What makes you, as an individual, happy?
Because genuine self-reflection can be difficult — it can be truth-provoking, guilt-inducing and lonely, especially for co-dependents who like to be in the company of others — practice acceptance and commitment therapy whenever negative thoughts enter. Accept the existence of these thoughts, be present and allow them to be what they are. Then, choose a valued behavior path and commit to taking action. Reengage yourself in the activities that you enjoy and reconnect with the self that was lost when you were victimized.
Practicing effective meditation and reflection takes time and practice. When you’re ready, and only when you’re ready, ask yourself harder questions — deeper, more meaningful questions — regarding why you’re drawn to NPD. Pinpoint a reason or two, and always be willing to reexamine these reasons and modify them as necessary, as you become more and more familiar with what makes you tick.
Once you feel you have a solid sense of self-awareness, then and only then, should you enter into a new relationship. Hopefully, a healthy one in which you can receive the same genuine love and affection you give. Pay close attention to any signs of potential abuse. However, you cannot be paranoid, and this is why the time spent alone first is key. You must heal, and like the cliché goes — you must love yourself before you can truly love another. Above all, always, always go no contact and stay this way with any past narcissistic partners.
It is possible to have a normal, healthy and happy relationship following narcissistic abuse. Just remember to remember yourself.