Let’s take a look at the top phrases a narcissist is likely to utter over and over again. All phrases are part of gaslighting or misdirecting fault and blame in an attempt to make the recipient believe they are everything the narcissist truly is – manipulative, controlling, and overly emotional. By using gaslighting tactics, the narcissist makes his victim believe that she is incapable of finding someone else to love her. In this way, a victim is likely to wear down to total dependency and never leave her captor.
VIDEO: Narcissistic Catch Phrases – CLICK TO VIEW
The Top 10 Phrases
- Just because I didn’t do what you wanted when you wanted me to, this doesn’t give you a right to freak out.
This is a common phrase used to divert the attention away from the narcissist when he has broken a promise – a classic gaslighting move. Not only does it get the narcissist out of having to actually do what he told you he would (to trap you), it diverts the attention from him, onto you, making it your fault. Why do you have to nag so much, anyway?
- I’m sorry I didn’t say exactly what you wanted to hear. I have trouble with words sometimes.
No, he doesn’t. And, he’s not sorry either. Saying this enables the narcissist to mask his bad intentions. It is an attempt for you to actually feel sorry for him, even though, truth be told, he meant every word that flew out of his mouth.
- You’re the only person who constantly nags me for no reason. Why are you so sensitive?
If you’ve ever had the pleasure of speaking with your narcissistic partners’ former mates, you will quickly realize nothing is farther from the truth. They all “nagged” him, because he has always been inherently egocentric and selfish. They were just smart enough to accept his inability to change and leave.
- You’re just going to have to get over it if you want this to work. It’s water under the bridge.
Maybe this worked the first time you heard it, even though you knew deep inside his actions were wrong. Maybe even the second time. But, pretty soon, you begin to realize this phrase is far too commonplace in the narcissist’s vocabulary for comfort. Why are you constantly forgiving his misbehavior?
- You’re the one who makes me like this!
No, you’re not. The narcissist was always “like this”. He will always be “like this”. It didn’t start with you, and if you summon the courage to leave, it won’t end with you (partnership-wise). The narcissist is like this with anyone who has had the misfortune of sharing his space, too, including family, “friends” and co-workers.
- You’re a control freak.
Narcissist’s, by nature, are controlling and manipulative. They would do just about anything in the world to get you under their thumb and make you stay there. But, one of the narcissist’s most favorite past-times is projecting his faults onto others in an attempt to maintain control. He’s the real control freak.
- Everything you have was made possible by me.
In other words, you better give up now, because you won’t have anything if you try to leave him. He will fight you for everything you’ve gained over the course of the relationship, even if the knowledge or things you’ve acquired have nothing to do with him. You are nothing without him – a classic move to stalemate a victim.
- Don’t you see? I’m the only one who truly knows you and still wants to be with you.
This is a common tactic narcissists use to make their victims feel entirely worthless. Everyone has faults and imperfections. This is human nature. By bringing these to the forefront on a continual basis, a narcissist makes his victim believe these things define her. They are greater than any positive attributes she has. By making a victim feel as if she is unlovable, the narcissist ensures she will never have the courage to open herself up to someone new again.
- Oh, so you’re perfect now?
Just another way the narcissist takes the negative attention away from him and misdirects blame onto you. When you hear this, think about the last time you claimed to be perfect. Probably never. Just because you’re pointing out the narcissist’s flaws doesn’t mean, by fault, you don’t have the capacity to self-reflect and own your own imperfections. This is one of those revealing phrases that demonstrates how a narcissist thinks – in black and white. Things are either all good, or all bad. There is no in between. So, if you’re calling him out on one issue, in his mind, it must mean you think he’s all bad and you’re entirely perfect.
- How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?
Again, black and white thinking. Saying sorry is not a one and done thing, for any of us. We are human, and, by nature, make mistakes. Therefore, most individuals can expect to say sorry many, many times over the course of a lifetime. Not the narcissist. Saying sorry is not in his repertoire of acceptable words. If he has to bring himself to say it once, he certainly never wants to say it again. And, you shouldn’t expect him to. How dare you! It is perfectly acceptable in the narcissist’s mind to issue a blanket, insecure apology that trumps any present or future misdoings.
If you hear any of these phrases, even just once, consider them red flags. The first time you hear one will likely not be the last.
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