Step Twelve – Mentoring Others
The ability to effectively lead others takes time and patience. We must first be the change we wish to see. In other words, we need to lead by example. This is why becoming a mentor is the final step in the journey. Here, we can take all of the knowledge learned and combine this with the real-life experiences that have made us who we are today, providing others with hope for the same. We know what it means to struggle, to be in the eye of a storm, and to feel as if we’ll never see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is a very lonely, isolating feeling. We feel helpless under the clutches of a narcissist, not only as if no one will believe us, but that we can’t even trust
our own judgement.
This is why survivors are the best mentors! Survivors have walked in the victims’ shoes, can relate on a very personal level. While abuse victims in any stage can seek therapeutic help from a professional, oftentimes an ear offered from someone who has lived the same hell first-hand can be all the more comforting. Just knowing this person has made it out of the situation stronger and happier than ever provides a needed solace in an otherwise chaotic whirlwind of fear, frustration and despair.
If you come across an individual who you feel truly needs help, consider the following:
-Am I able to help this person? (This is a complicated question. It should be considered with care.
Although you may want to help, true acceptance comes with the understanding that we cannot always offer the assistance needed. If the answer is no, accept the inability to proceed to the next.)
-What can I do to help this person – physically, mentally, emotionally?
-How will I make the offer to initiate help?
-Will I be able to continue to offer help? (Consider your schedule and the time involvement given the individual’s needs.)
-What can I do if the help I’m offering isn’t enough?
-What will I do if this person offers information that needs me to involve others? (In abuse situations, we must always be prepared to intervene and report the situation, if necessary.)
-How should I release myself from the mentoring space when enough is enough?
Most importantly, ensure that you are focusing on your own self care. We must continue to fill our cup in order to fill others’. Make sure you are continuing to practice the tips in the previous steps to manage stress. If ever the mentoring role becomes too much to handle, allow yourself to walk away. We cannot effectively offer help if we are unable to stay focused on our own needs.
At any point, pause and ask yourself:
-How do I feel?
-Is this too overwhelming?
-Do I need a “time out”?
-Can I continue to help and still feel “okay”?
Be honest. Practice self-reflection. If you are under too much stress to employ the positive half of the law of attraction, take a break. Projecting negativity will lead to negative results. It’s a lose-lose.
Keep track of what you are doing to lessen another’s load, and in turn, continuing to work on self-improvement. Always ensure you are doing both of these things simultaneously. If this isn’t possible, refer back to the previous steps, determine where you truly are in your journey and stay there until you feel fully able to progress forward. This journey can be cyclical as we move through the different phases of life. Life is fluid, ever-changing, and as long as we are staying honest with ourselves, we”ll always know where we stand.
Congratulations on making a commitment to yourself and following through, my friend. Many blessings!