Healing from trauma is not a one and done process. It is a lifelong journey and it is important to remember to continue referencing the tools you’re building within yourself over and over again. Like learning a new language or a technical program, if you don’t use the knowledge gained, you lose it. As you begin to make self-care part of your routine and engage in self-reflection, understanding more and more why trauma entered in the first place, your response to it, and what you can do to remove it, you gather sustainable healing tools. These are vital components of the recovery process you’ll want to access again and again, the same way a recovering addict continues to attend AA or NA meetings indefinitely, continues to reference The Promises, or recites The Serenity Prayer daily.
Along the way, you’ll figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. Remember, this is your journey, not anyone else’s. What worked for your brother, your friend, another support group member, or anyone else, may or may not work for you. And, that’s okay. Your takeaways are those things that you find to be useful in your recovery journey.
Remember, too, that healing from trauma may require healing from other related mental health ailments. Oftentimes, those who’ve experience trauma also suffer from anxiety, depression, or addictive behaviors (both process and substance use addiction). If you focus on only one aspect of healing, rather than on healing the whole self, you may lean on another crutch that only allows avoidance, denial, or self-destruction to persist. Just as one might stop drinking alcohol and become addicted to food or exercise instead, it is common to focus on trigger avoidance while leaving out other important pieces of treatment (i.e., mindfulness, social support, etc.).
It can get tricky when you want to stay close to someone who you associate with a traumatic past. It is best to seek support from a more objective party, such as a trauma recovery group or counselor. While you can still be friends with this individual so long as it does not become problematic to your mental and emotional health, triggers may intensify while discussing the past with this person. What’s more, in an effort to support each other, you may also be hindering each other’s healing. Again, you know you best, so it is your responsibility to self-impose healthy boundaries.
If something works for you, great. Keep engaging in this method of healing unless and until it is no longer useful. Don’t try to continue following advice you were given if it is not helping. Remember the takeaways of your journey and feel free to journal these for your reference. Know that as you evolve in the aftermath of trauma so to will your healing process. Remain flexible and open-minded so you can tweak your process as needed along the way.