Self-limiting beliefs are a common part of toxic thought patterns. These are beliefs that keep us from reaching our full potential. Ironically, they are self-inflicted and often unsupported. Thus, the only thing keeping us from achieving our goals is our own belief system. Learning to consider the bigger picture and keeping an open mind is one aspect of the reframing process that will help you move past the blockages you have created for yourself and live the life you’ve always dreamed about.
So, how is this done?
The first step in the process is to consider those thoughts that most commonly creep into your mind when you consider reaching for a goal. What are the unfiltered auto-thoughts that instantly manifest? Write these down in a journal. Before you know it, you will likely have a long list of self-limiting beliefs to work from.
Once you have a few written down, examine the reasoning behind each. For example, say you’ve met someone you really care about and you want to take your relationship to the next level. However, your auto-thought about this step is, “I can’t trust him/her.” Take a closer look. Why can’t you trust this person? More broadly, why is trust an issue in your life? You might uncover the reason you feel you cannot move forward is because you’ve had your heart broken in the past. Or, you experienced childhood trauma that you’ve carried with you through the years.
It can be difficult to face the underlying cause behind why you think negatively about something in the present. But, it is necessary. You must allow yourself to feel in order to heal. Once you’ve determined the trigger, return to your list and see if this applies to any of your other auto-thoughts. Chances are, you will notice a pattern even if the events are, at first, seemingly unrelated. Write down the reasoning that comes to mind, so you can keep this in your back pocket and consider it when new toxic patterns arise.
The next step is to check for validity. And, this is where most negative patterns fall apart. How accurate is it that you cannot trust this person in the present because you were neglected as a child? What facts support this conclusion? As you begin the process of fact-checking, many of the associations your mind auto-generated between past and present experiences will seem completely unrelated and illogical – silly, even.
The next step is to challenge those that seem illogical. Consider that you can trust this person because he or she is not your ex, your parent, or some other person ‘x’ from which this limiting belief was derived.
The final step in the reframing process is to learn to live in the present. Take cues from the individual you are interacting with to determine whether you can trust him or her. This will be a better indicator than basing your trust on a different situation or person. Of course, it is okay to remain cautiously optimistic until you know for sure. However, living in the present and developing new, more logical thoughts based on what you are experiencing in the here-and-now will help reshape future patterns and allow you to find happiness.