Toxicity tends to alter the way we think, making it all too easy to get caught up on everything that’s going wrong when we should be focusing on everything that’s right. These thought patterns are not easy to break. They tend to stick around long after they’ve been instilled inside. However, they are counterproductive to healing.
Trauma healing takes acknowledging and accepting your strengths rather than focusing on the negatives. It takes a fervent determination to shift negative thought patterns to positive. No one is perfect, but everyone has their own set of strengths. What are yours and how do you begin to acknowledge them and utilize them in a way that allows you to find peace?
One way you can begin to dig deeper into your psyche and pull out strengths is by using expressive writing. There are many different forms – choose the strategies that best suit you. One way to self-express through writing is taking on the sentence starter exercise, which can allow you to take a deeper peek inside. Here are some starters that’ll help you reconnect with your inner self:
I think everything would be better if…
Some things I like are…
Some things I don’t like are…
What I need to say right now is…
I worry about…
I feel alone when…
It bothers me…
People think I am…
People tell me I should…
From there, you can start to pull out some of the most relevant information and spin negative thoughts patterns to positive. “I worry about…” can be analyzed to reflect first on the why, then on how you manage these anxieties. For example, “I worry about not making enough money.” Why do you worry about this? Does it have to do with past trauma? Let’s say you grew up in a household in which it was always hard to make ends meet. There’s your why. Now, how do you handle this? By overworking yourself, spending too much time at the office? Knowing this is an unhealthy behavioral pattern, you can decide what you want to do to change it. Maybe you can start working at home a couple of days a week or switch careers. It’s totally up to you.
You can see how complicated a simple exercise can become, but how cathartic working through the process can be. How necessary it can be. The more you dig, the deeper your self-discovery. And, only in discovering all the ways in which you think, feel, and act can you begin to reframe and heal.
Now consider the “Everything would be better if…” starter. What did you write down for this? This closely aligns with the therapeutic ‘miracle question’ – If you were to wake up tomorrow and all of your troubles are gone, what would that feel like? This is commonly asked in solution-focused, strength-based therapy.
Once you’re able to get a closer look at what makes you, you, you can begin to consider your strengths. Taking a strengths-based approach to overcoming the past will help shift your perspective. It will make you want to do more of what’s working and less of what isn’t. Decide what you can change and what you can’t. You can change the future by bettering the present, but you can never change the past. You cannot change what happened, but you can change what will happen. What can you do to make these positive changes? What traits do you know you possess to guide you there?
Another way to shift your perspective through expressive writing and increase your self-confidence is to express gratitude through writing. Keep a journal and schedule a certain time during the day when you can take just a few minutes to think of what you’re grateful – even if just for that day – and write it down. Families sometimes choose to use the “one thing positive that happened that day” at dinnertime, round-robining to each person sitting at the table. What is one thing positive that happened, which you are grateful for?
Regardless of how bad of a day you may have had, there is at least one thing encouraging that happened, and this is what you want to focus on – for now on. The positive things that happened are your strengths. For instance, “Today I am grateful for the sun shining.” The strength you can derive from this is that you are perceptive enough notice the good weather and carry it with you that day. Or, “Today I am grateful for a good hair day.” Focus on that. It seems silly, but if your hair is the best thing that happened, it’s significant. Your strength is that day is your hair.
Find meaning in simplicity. Start small and slowly. The more you get used to acknowledging the positive, the less room your thoughts will have for toxic patterns. When you been to slip into negativity, present thinking can get you out of the rut. Ground yourself in the present and physically and mentally decide to make the shift. Stay there for as long as it takes. Feel the change. Do this time and again, whenever it’s needed.
These few simple strategies can go a long way. Employing solution-focused, strengths-based strategies for trauma healing can effectively pull you further away from the past and help you to accept and appreciate the present.