By: Sara E. Teller
One of the things that hurts the most while involved in a toxic relationship is realizing that you were in a sense tricked into it. Most toxic relationships don’t start out being toxic. In fact, ,oftentimes they begin like any other normal relationship; they may even appear to be too good to be true. Yet, slowly, your partner might start to blame you for things that are not within your control or they may begin to pick at your flaws.
The trauma that is endured while involved in a toxic/narcissistic relationship increases during time. It rapidly drains you of your self-worth and often enough alienates you from family and friends, leaving you feeling stuck and miserable before you even realize the warning signs. Regardless of how you’re being mistreated – whether it be emotionally, verbally, or physically – it can be hard to comprehend that someone you love, and who claims to love you, could hurt and victimize you to such an extent. Sometimes, your partner may not even realize the amount of destruction they are causing because it’s so engrained in their DNA they don’t even notice.
Having a narcissist in your life is incredibly frustrating; it can be emotionally challenging, downright chaotic and even frightening. Your relationship may revolve solely around their wants and needs, leaving you feeling judged and exhausted by their constant demands and requests.
When dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies, it’s very important that you are clear about what your boundaries are. It may upset or potentially anger the narcissist, it’s crucial to keep in mind that it is okay; your feelings matter, and they are relevant. It’s important to remember that it’s not your job to control that individual’s emotions nor their toxic behavior.
Things that you may want to keep in mind:
● Toxic behavior can come in many forms and often gets worse over time.
● Types of behavior to be aware of include intentional humiliation, increasing jealousy, and controlling behavior.
● Narcissists hold a strong sense of grandiosity (they have very high levels of self-esteem, self-confidence, and often have the idea that they’re far superior to others).
● Narcissists are extremely arrogant and take advantage of others to get what they desire no matter what lengths they may have to go to – it revolves around their fantasy of maintaining control.
● Narcissists believe they are unique compared to others.
● Narcissists will normally exaggerate achievements and skills.
● Narcissists need constant admiration from others in order keep their sense of self-importance in check.
● Narcissists feel a deep envy toward others and are often vengeful, particularly if they feel threatened by another’s accomplishes.
● Narcissists believe that others envy them.
● Narcissists lack empathy and compassion for others.
● They are overly obsessed with dreams of brilliance and power.
●Narcissists have a deep-seated sense of entitlement; they enjoy being continually praised even for behaviors might perceive as ordinary.
It is important to seek the help of a professional therapist and/or support group if you find yourself involved in a toxic/narcissistic relationship. Remember, it’s not your fault. There is no way you could have anticipated this person would suddenly flip the script and become so controlling and abusive. When you do know what you’re dealing with, it’s time to get out!
Break the silence, break the cycle.