By: Sara E. Teller
If you are involved with a narcissist, you are at risk for narcissistic abuse. Having a narcissistic parent or being romantically involved with a narcissist means that you are susceptible to the manipulation and psychological abuse that are characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder. But there are things that you can do to prevent that abuse.
What Is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is emotional or psychological abuse caused by the behaviors that narcissists use to manipulate and maintain control over their victims. The behaviors that narcissists use to inflict narcissistic abuse include:
Manipulation and Control. Narcissists use manipulation tactics to control and dominate their victims. Narcissists typically will engage in gaslighting to make their victim feel as if they are misreading the situation or doubt the reality of events. A very common form of gaslighting is for a narcissist to blame the victim for their own actions. Narcissists also may use guilt trips and emotional blackmail to try and control their victim. These tactics are designed to make the victim dependent on the narcissist and subservient to their desires.
Not Showing Any Empathy. One of the hallmarks of narcissistic abuse is the complete lack of empathy displayed by the narcissist. They are often incapable of understanding or caring about the feelings, needs, or experiences of their victim. They prioritize their own needs and desires above all else. This behavior can be confusing to the victim of the abuse who puts the needs and desires of others first and can’t understand why the narcissist doesn’t.
Love Bombing and Devaluation. Narcissists tend to idealize their victims initially, showering them with love, attention, and admiration. This phase often lures victims into the relationship. However, this idealization, which is called love bombing, is typically followed by a devaluation phase. During the devaluation phase the narcissist becomes critical, emotionally abusive, and belittling. This cycle can be emotionally and psychologically devastating for the victim.
Emotional Exploitation. Narcissists exploit the emotions and vulnerabilities of their victims to maintain control. They may play on the victim’s insecurities, fears, and need for validation. The victim often feels emotionally drained and constantly on edge, like they’re walking on eggshells trying to avoid triggering rage or criticism from the narcissist.
Isolation. Narcissists frequently attempt to isolate their victims from friends and family members. This isolation is a way to exert further control over the victim, making them more dependent on the narcissist for emotional support and validation.
Triangulation. Narcissists often introduce a third party (real or imagined) into the relationship to create jealousy, competition, and insecurity in their victim. This tactic is used to further manipulate and control the victim’s emotions.
Consequences of Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse can have severe and lasting consequences on the victim’s mental and emotional well-being. When people are subjected to narcissistic abuse for long periods of time it can be very difficult for them to break the trauma bond they have with the narcissist and escape the abuse. Some of the physical and mental health problems that can be caused by narcissistic abuse are:
- Low Self-Esteem: Victims often develop a diminished sense of self-worth and self-esteem due to constant criticism and emotional abuse.
- Anxiety and Depression: The emotional turmoil and manipulation can lead to anxiety and depression in victims.
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Some victims of narcissistic abuse experience symptoms of PTSD, such as flashbacks, nightmares, and hypervigilance.
- Trust Issues: Victims may have difficulty trusting others in future relationships due to their past experience of betrayal and manipulation.
- Emotional Detachment: To protect themselves, some victims may become emotionally detached or numb, making it challenging to form healthy emotional connections in the future.
- Self-Doubt: Narcissistic abuse often leaves victims questioning their own judgment and reality, as they are repeatedly told that they are wrong or crazy.
- Guilt and Shame: Victims may experience feelings of guilt and shame for not recognizing the abuse earlier or for not leaving the relationship sooner.
Preventing Narcissistic Abuse
Preventing narcissistic abuse requires recognition of the narcissistic traits that a partner or parent has and taking steps to counteract the manipulation and control tactics that narcissists use. Some techniques that are very effective for combatting narcissistic behavior are:
Gray Rocking. Gray rocking is essentially not reacting to a narcissist’s behavior. Ignore inflammatory statements and behavior and continue behaving normally. A narcissist may try to force you into a confrontation so that they can get the reaction or attention they are looking for. Don’t give it to them. Don’t engage with them. You are the one in control of your reactions and behaviors.
Maintain Boundaries. Setting boundaries with a narcissist can be difficult, but it’s essential to protect yourself from narcissistic abuse. They will try to get you to break your boundaries, but you need to be strong and maintain them.
Remind Yourself That You Are Not to Blame. Narcissistic abuse is never your fault. There are resources available to help you if you are struggling to get out of a situation where you are suffering from narcissistic abuse.