Inviting in what’s detrimental is an all-too-common form of self-sabotage that keeps us stuck in the toxicity of the past. A vicious cycle repeats as we engage in the same behaviors time and again, and thus, ensure we’re unable to heal.
There are many ways in which you can repeat toxic patterns. Connecting with toxic partners time and again, turning to substance use, purposely making stability with your personal and professional live allusive, refusing to handle responsibilities. Only you can determine what’s serving you in a meaningful way and choose to move forward, releasing these patterns once and for all.
Why is this so common? As odd as it sounds, living with trauma for a sustained period of time can actually make this chaos feel comfortable. Happiness seems far too unachievable and one can even forget what it even means to feel this way. Thus, repeating what’s known and staying stuck is a form of self-preservation. If this is all you’ve ever known, you may not realize you should break free or know how to do so.
Negative affirmations can cause us to live up to what we’re told, too. If we’re told we’re useless and unable to make something of ourselves, we get so worn down by these words, we can forget our worth and actually make this a self-fulling prophecy. The age-old sticks and stones saying doesn’t hold up in the real world. Words do hurt, and they can cut deep.
Breaking toxic cycles takes regaining confidence and reaffirming self-worth. First, we must commit to reframing negative thought patterns and refuse to allow others to treat us with disrespect. If you are in an unhealthy partnership, recognizing and realizing this is vital. Refusing to allow in the same type of partner is also extremely important, as is removing any behaviors that are counterintuitive to the healing process.
Breaking the bonds of trauma always begins within. Take on those tasks that are meaningful to you and will boost your confidence. The more you welcome into your life those things that make you happy, the less room there will be for what wears you down. This may mean making a career shift, relocating, taking on a new hobby, or connecting with a new social network. When you choose to heal, you’ll begin to more fully recognize what this means to you. Trust your gut.