Healing from narcissistic abuse takes time and it is important to view your healing journey as lifelong. The web of lies, deceit, manipulation, and abuse the narcissist spun is not easily undone. But it can be removed bit by bit, allowing room for a healthy new sense of self that is wiser and more aware.
To heal from the effects of narcissism, you must learn to love who you’ve become. And this entails reframing negative thoughts tied to your perception of self. We are our own worst critics. It is second nature for us to be hard on ourselves and become frustrated when we’re not achieving a certain set of criteria we set for ourselves. Take this negative self-talk and reframe it to provide encouragement to keep pushing forward.
In moments of feeling stuck and unable to progress in your journey, take the time to self-reflect, meditating on how you’re feeling and why. It’s also human nature to be solution-focused and all it takes sometimes is a few moments of going inward to understand what needs to be done to remedy the situation.
Narcissists love to gaslight. They love to belittle. And all too often these sentiments linger long after a relationship has ceased. They become internalized and it can be difficult to release what you’ve come to understand as your truth. We have to disconnect with this false truth to reconnect with self-respect and self-worth.
You might be your own worth critic, but you are also your own best ally. Align your thinking with your actions and be kind to yourself as you learn how to navigate this next draft. It won’t be easy. It will consist of trial and error. So, be patient with who you are becoming. Understand that much of what you might perceive as negative about yourself is left over from the trauma you endured. It was never a part of you to begin with. This weight was caused by the narcissist’s own insecurities projected onto you and it is no longer yours to carry.
Even without the toxicity of trauma, it can be difficult to truly believe we’re worth putting ourselves first. Confidence is often built through reinforcement from others and it takes time to convince ourselves of the validity of what others are saying. Narcissists love to isolate their victims, so it is essential to reconnect with others, allowing long-standing relationships to heal and new ones to form. In doing so, reinforcement and validation will be offered, and this will help you further repair and rebuild.
It really is true that we must love ourselves before we can love anyone else. Don’t rush into another partnership before you’ve taken the time to understand and appreciate who you’ve been – genuinely and unconditionally. When this happens, you will attract the right energies and the connections you form will be positive. There is no need to rush.