We all get angry. We all have moments in which we feel as if we cannot control our emotions or reactions. This happens for a number of reasons. However, there is a difference between physical and situation factors that provoke feelings of anger and the emotional reasons behind it.
There are reasons, physically, that we get angry. Our bodies may be low in resources that sustain emotional balance. Suffering from a nutritional deficiency can cause irritability. Hormone changes throughout the month and throughout our lifetime can leave us on edge. Chronic pain can make us angry.
Situationally, we can become angry after being lied to, cheated, manipulated, thrust into difficult or awkward circumstances. If we discover our partner isn’t the person we thought they were, we’re let go from our position at work, or a loved one is taken away, these are all legitimate reasons to be angry.
However, when we separate our thought process from the physical and situational reasons that trigger anger and focus only on our emotions, we quickly realize that 99 percent of our fury can be linked back to either fear or sadness.
What Does This Mean?
Consider this a moment. Think of the last time you were angry. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding why you lashed out, what did you feel underneath it all? Were you sad your partner deceived you? Were you fearful that you won’t be able to find another job? Can you trace your raw emotions back to one or the other? Chances are the answer is yes.
When we begin to practice mindful thinking, doors start to open internally. By engaging parts of our brain that otherwise remain largely untapped, we begin to change our perspective and introduce positivity where it would typically never be found.
The next time we are furious with someone, some thing, or some situation we’re in, therefore, we will be able to mentally remove ourselves from this chaotic state right in the middle of it and ask ourselves if we are sad or fearful. Sound impossible? All it takes is a little practice and the ability to remain open to perception-shifting.
When we realize which one of these underlying raw emotions we’re feeling in that present moment, we can address the real issue rather than focusing on the surface one and react accordingly. If we’ve discovered our partner has hidden money from us and an argument ensues when we confront them, we might ask, Am I sad that this person has lost my trust? Am I fearful that there is more where this came from and scared to find out what else is being hidden from me?
If you are sad that trust has been broken, tell your partner this. Make them aware of how their actions made you feel and that you will need time to heal if you choose to give them a second chance. Trust is the essential, easy to break, and very difficult to regain. But, by voicing your position and opening up the lines of communication, you are giving someone you care deeply about a chance to improve your bond.
If you are fearful that there is more deception to be discovered if only you begin to peel back a few layers, this is an intuitive emotion that is more difficult to let go. If you feel like your partner is a deceiving person, in general, and intuitively know there’s much more to be worried about, you’ll want to seriously consider whether the relationship is worth working on or if you should walk away. Always trust your intuition – it is the loudest voice that speaks to us without ever saying a word.
We are all human. Rome wasn’t built in a day and shifting our thought processes during periods of heightened emotional response is extremely difficult to do. Please, don’t expect to be able to be completely logical and level-headed every time anger rears its ugly head, and don’t expect to overhaul your reactions overnight.
Sometimes, we simply have a right to be angry. But, by working on the way we think when anger hits us, and thus, the way we react, we can greatly minimize the residual damage inevitably left behind after a confrontation. We can better understand ourselves. And, once we better understand ourselves, we begin to understand what we need and don’t need in our lives to make us happy. Only then can we focus on pursuing happiness and live life fully.