Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a recognized mental disorder. Overall, the pathological disorder afflicts only a small percentage of the population, but those affected by individuals with NPD can suffer from extreme anxiousness, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It is easy to become initially enthralled by a narcissist, who will come across, especially to partners in the idealization stage, as very charming, compassionate and confident. However, as relationships deepen, those with NPD will inevitably show their true colors.
Pathological narcissism should not be confused with confidence. It is natural to have confidence. It’s nice to feel well-respected, even admired from time to time. This is healthy. However, when an individual becomes manipulative, demanding and downright abusive in order to maintain the admiration of others, the line has been crossed and unhealthy arrogance manifests — or narcissism. NPD is specifically characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy. Those inflicted have likely suffered from deep-seated painful trauma which has led them on a mission to protect themselves at all costs, or they’ve experienced unhealthy levels of admiration at an early age (a more unconventional form of abuse). Research has also shown that those with NPD may have less volume of gray matter in the left anterior insula, which regulates healthy emotions such as empathy and compassion. Individuals can also simply be born with a naturally oversensitive temperament.
Some of the earliest triggers of learned narcissism include modeling unhealthy behavioral patterns observed in caregivers or peers, being excessively praised in childhood, suffering severe abuse or neglect, inconsistent caregiving or being praised for superficial reasons, such as for one’s looks.
Narcissists are preoccupied with power, vanity, wealth and prestige and will go to any length to control others’ perceptions regarding how they are viewed. They will strive to monopolize conversations, harbor feelings of entitlement, belittle others and are constantly cocky, rude, and controlling. Inside, those with NPD fantasize about unlimited success, and outwardly, they exaggerate their achievements or talents. Narcissists are prone to jealousy. Truth be told, they are secretly envious of all those around them, extremely spiteful and determined to “one up” everyone else.
Those with NPD are generally unhappy with their lives. They can never live up to their own standards of self, are never satisfied, and absolutely cannot stand it when others eventually realize this and begin to view them in a negative light. Their personal and professional lives are likely in poor shape below the surface as they struggle to maintain perfection in the public eye. However, the narcissist will blame everyone and everything except themselves for this anguish. They are unable to recognize they are the cause of their dissatisfaction. To acknowledge self imperfection would be far too painful, inflicting narcissistic injury. So, they avoid this on all levels of consciousness. To others, they appear to be unemotional, unwavering regardless of emotional crisis while inside, they are far more messy and chaotic. They will project any pain and suffering onto others rather than internalize it.
There are treatment options available for those inflicted with NPD. However, most never seek help. They simply do not believe anything could possibly be wrong with them, and they live with a victim mentality rather than owning the true cause of their dissatisfaction. Those who do seek help are often thought to be mirroring narcissistic behaviors, rather than being genuine “to-the-core” narcissists. These individuals can change if they can accept that they are responsible for their own happiness (or lack thereof).
Psychotherapy for individuals who choose to seek it will focus primarily on accepting responsibility, learning more effective ways of interacting with others and becoming open to genuine intimacy and the ability to trust. Clients will learn effective coping strategies, criticism tolerance, emotional regulation, and why their own desire for perfection leads to distress.
Victims, rather than the victimizers, are typically the ones who seek professional treatment, especially if they are fortunate enough to escape the clutches of their captures. Not all do. And, victims often seek treatment for ancillary disorders, such as their own depression or PTSD, rather than addressing the core cause. This is because those with NPD are so skilled at projecting their faults onto others and making them believe they are the reason for any turmoil, it’s difficult for victims to recognize when they have suffered abuse at the hands of a narcissist.
Learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is the first step to identifying the issue and effectively moving forward. This is fifty percent of the battle. Once the underlying problem is identified and accepted, healing can begin.