Post-trauma Recovery: Second-guessing Ourselves

Those who have lived through trauma understand the detrimental effects which continue to plague us even after the chaos has ceased and we’ve moved into post-trauma recovery.  Often, trauma is caused by another individual, and this individual used tactics to ensure we were left second-guessing everything about ourselves in order to maintain control.  After all, we will only remain completely dependent on another if we are sure we cannot trust our own judgment.

Physical, mental, emotional, and financial abuse all rely on gaining and maintaining control.  If we can be manipulated into believing everything we are thinking, feeling, saying or doing is wrong, that the way in which we are living is flawed, the abuser will assume a dominate between in the relationship.  He or she will lie, manipulate, gaslight or criticize the victim, and being belittled over an extended period of time deflates self-worth entirely.

Even if the victim has the courage to leave the toxic partnership and begin a period of post-trauma recovery, he or she is likely to continue to second-guess themselves until a conscious effort is made to fight against this.  And, this person will likely continue second-guessing everything they’re doing – not just the big decisions that need to be made.  This lack of confidence can cause them to question the way they eat, dress, act, socialize with friends.  They may not be able to call someone or send an email for fear that the way they word things will be taken the wrong way.  This is a symptom of PTSD that can be extremely debilitating.

So, how can we move past this?  We must be able to convince ourselves that we are capable and competent.  We likely felt like we were prior to the trauma we endured, and we must regain the confidence that was lost somewhere along the way.  In order to do so, we have to tell ourselves – and truly believe it – that we are safe, and we’ve been released from the toxic control we once endured.  Sometimes, healing takes starting over entirely, mentally, and making a commitment to ourselves to begin again anew.

This process will involve understanding who we were prior to the traumatic event or period, who we became because of it, and who we are now.  We will never be the same.  But, this is a good thing.  We are stronger than ever before, and thus, more capable than ever before of believing in ourselves if only we welcome this change instead of fighting against it.

Taking the time to practice self-care – whatever that may look like in a tangible sense – is vital.  We can journal, meditate and practice mindful thinking, take evening walks, sit quietly with our thoughts, exercise, take a yoga class.  Whatever it takes.  We must allow ourselves to connect with our thoughts and let them flow freely so we truly understand where we are mentally.  Then, we’ll need to ask ourselves why we continue to second-guess ourselves.  What caused this and how can we move past it?

We must be careful not to be too self-critical when we consider how difficult it is to shake this symptom.  Being too hard on ourselves for the inability to release ourselves from the control of another mentally even when we’ve physically done so will only continue to cause second-guessing.  We must focus, instead, on our far we’ve come and understand this is just another stepping stone in the healing journey.

Above all, it’s important to remember you are not alone.   Many others have endured similar pain and have moved away from this and gone on to live fulfilling lives.  It takes time.  It takes commitment.  Make a commitment to yourself to heal every day.