Resilience and trauma healing go hand-in-hand. You must learn to keep going even when things get tough and all of the problems of the world seem to be closing in. Life is full of highs and lows, and oftentimes, the lows are addressed in unhealthy ways, particularly when it feels like there is no other option but to give up. Trauma is commonly compounded by the use of self-destructive behaviors to cope.
Thus, in the aftermath, it is important to remain resilient and develop healthy coping skills which will allow you to acknowledge and accept the past so you can begin to effectively move forward. There are many exercises for building resilience that you can try at home.
Gentle reminders, or affirmations, that you are on the right path can keep you going even when you simply want to give up. Learning to appreciate failure for the lessons learned is one way to incorporate these affirmations into everyday living. Remember this:
Failure is a necessary part of life.
It means that you are trying.
If you never fail, you cannot grow.
Failure contributes to successful problem-solving.
Every time you fail, you get one step closer to your goal.
Try employing mindfulness in moments of despair and use identify, label and replace method. For example, find a few quiet moments alone to really focus on what you are feeling. If you are tired, anxious, overburdened, write these emotions down. Figure out how each resonates with you. When you’re tired, you probably want nothing more than to rest. Replace ‘tired’ with ‘run down’. The remedy? A little R&R. Practice some self-care and allow yourself to refuel.
Self-reassurance that every setback is only temporary is important. It’s a reminder that you have the power shape the future. Assure yourself “this too shall pass.” And, even though the past cannot be undone, and the future is largely undetermined, the emotional obstacles you are facing right now will not be evident forever. There are still many blessings to be enjoyed once this has passed.
As your reminding yourself that difficulties are temporary, it can be incredibly helpful to determine what is within your control and what is not. Remember, you are in control of your own thoughts and actions, and only your own. When life throws a curve ball, you have the power to determine how you react. Try writing down all of those things that are within your control and those that are not and reference this list whenever you feel you want to respond with anger and frustration. This will help you let go of those things you never had any power over to begin with.
You can also determine what you’ll be able to learn from a perceived trauma, failure, or obstacle. What do you feel the lesson is and how will you grow through experiencing this? How can you help others as a result? Journal your thoughts and make sure to include positive outcomes that are likely and what you will do in the future instead.
Try out a little self-trickery, too, whenever you’re feeling down. As strange as it may seem, getting up, getting dressed, and employing a little spa-like self-care can go a long way. Do your nails. Schedule a haircut. Dress in bright colors, which in itself has been proven to brighten your mood. Call up a friend and ask if they want to join in a ‘time out’ day. Getting out of the house and catching up with others can quickly lift your spirits. If you’re up to it, schedule a run with a friend, a great combination of exercise and socialization that will induce feel-good chemicals in the brain and reset energy levels.
It is also important to make reframing the negative to positive and re-energizing your life as fun as possible. Create a self-care jar in which you select one item each day to take on just for yourself. You can also use online resources to begin following self-help podcasts, reading trauma healing eBooks, listening to inspirational YouTube videos or pinning self-care ideas on Pinterest. You can join Facebook groups with like-minded people who frequently post affirmations, daily laughs, and other mood-lifters. There are a ton of resources available for building resilience even during the toughest of times.
Creative strategies can also help you out of a slump. Always wanted to start a garden? Get outside and start planting. Want to paint the bedroom a new color? Have at it. Love writing? Start an expressive writing journal. Always wanted to try out some of those children’s crafts you pinned? Take them on with the kiddos. Sometimes simply ‘losing yourself’ in creative endeavors is a great way to self-connect, self-express, and build resilience. Creative expression can be very empowering.
Still feeling stuck? Create an ‘unstuck’ list of everything you can think of that you can take on during life’s most difficult moments other than engaging in self-destructive behaviors. Keep this handy and add to it whenever you wish. It can be one page or one hundred. It’s totally up to you. Obviously, the longer the list the more options you have, though. So, keep this in mind if you decide to take it on. You can hang it up in a spot where you’ll easily be able to see it in a time of need or you can store it on your computer or in a journal. Creating a live doc online will allow you to add and delete from the list as often as you’d like.
There are many things you can do to build resilience that are close to home and can be referenced on an ongoing basis. And, you can pursue self-empowerment without worrying about a significant financial investment, significant time investment, or another responsibility added to your plate. Learning resilience skills will keep you motivated to continue no matter what life throws at you, and it is important to push forward. If you simply give up, you will slip right back into the same toxic state of stagnation you’ve worked so hard to move away from. You deserve to feel life’s blessings fully again, and you deserve peace and happiness.