It may not always be easy to determine whether you’ve been victimized by a narcissist. While you may feel as if something is simply “off,” it can be difficult to fully understand what went wrong and when. Even if you can pinpoint what’s different about yourself because of your experience, it tends to be much harder to identify the source. If you know you’ve been in a toxic partnership and are trying to comprehend what it means, exactly, to be victimized by a pathological narcissist, there are a few signs to be on the lookout for.
All too often, when victims of abuse start to self-reflect on how their lives have changed for the worst and why everything has altered internally, they begin to search for answers concerning how they’ve changed. This inevitably turns into how they need to change to make things okay again. They may scour the web for solutions based on key symptoms they’re experiencing – usually anxiety, paranoia, depression, confusion, or a whole host of other uncomfortable feelings. Results produce suggestions for how the individual can self-improve, and while this may be helpful, it doesn’t help with answering why the person is the way they are to begin with. Only by understanding the source of these symptoms can someone heal sustainably.
So, what are some of the symptoms that are indicative of narcissistic abuse victimization? First, victims tend to be plagued by self-doubt. They’re never able to say or do anything right with the toxic partner. Instead, they’re gaslighted to the fullest extent, made to believe they’re wrong in every respect. This causes the victim to cast doubt on everything they say and do. Typically, the partnership will get to the point in which the victim will begin to ask the narcissist for his or her opinion or approval before making any decision.
Because the victim is sure they are not able to do anything right, a sense of helplessness creeps in. This helplessness resides deep within an individual impacted by narcissistic abuse and is especially difficult to shake. In fact, it most often lingers long enough to morph into hopelessness, which carries with it unsettling consequences, such as clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Narcissistic abuse also tends to lead to social withdrawal. Victims feel a breadth of uncomfortable emotions tied to their decision to engage with the narcissist. They commonly feel shame, guilt, remorse, and an overwhelming sense of being trapped without a way out. They feel they should have known better than to enter into this situation and they’re afraid of being judged by those who they also believe know them well enough to feel the same.
Another reason that individuals who are in a toxic relationship with a narcissist isolate is that they’re afraid someone who cares for them will tell them they have to get out. This is a tough pill to swallow for someone who’s simply not ready. It can be very difficult to break free from a narcissistic partnership. Not only is the victim made to be completely dependent on this partner, caught in a consistent cycle of questioning the narc’s intent, but they usually understand leaving can be dangerous. Once escape has crossed the mind of the victim, they have seen their abuser’s true colors, and this can be very frightening. Confronting an individual who is in this situation and telling them they have to leave tends to be met with the opposite result. Commonly, the victim will become more determined to stay and make things work out of shame and will sever ties with the person who saw the truth and called them out.
Those who have experienced narcissistic abuse also tend to be highly anxious. This anxiety is more severe than what is typical in other anxiety disorders. It is a specific kind of paranoia and worry that can greatly impact an individual’s functioning. There is a ton of anxiety when the victim is in the relationship, including that which is tied to ruminating on what will happen if the relationship ends and, equally as paralyzing, what will happen if it continues. There is also profound anxiety over the unpredictability of the abuser’s reactions to the victim’s words or behaviors. This causes a victim to chronically second-guess everything and induces a stagnating sense of entrapment.
These are some of the primary signs that you or someone you know has endured narcissistic abuse. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it only comes with making the conscious decision not only to break free but to go entirely no contact and work on healing from the inside out.