When grieving the loss of a narcissistic partnership, making it through the depression stage offers something to look forward to. It means reaching the light at the end of the tunnel as one moves towards acceptance. Acceptance does not necessarily mean your mood is suddenly uplifted, and the burden of the loss is gone entirely. Rather, it means you’ve moved into a place of being able to understand the implications of this loss for your future and what life looks like now.
It can be very difficult to make it all the way through the process, to this point, and many victims drop out before they do or circle back to a previous stage. However, every start brings with it a new opportunity to make it to the end. It may take many attempts to reach the final stage, and everyone’s process looks a bit different.
The journey to acceptance can be a long and hard one. We have to remember how long and hard the ride with the narcissist was. We may have also undergone traumatic circumstances prior to this relationship. So, getting into the codependent mindset wasn’t quick and easy, and getting out of it isn’t going to be either. Some days will be better than others.
Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. And remember that the worst of it is over. Now you must practice accepting your past for exactly what it is and your present for exactly what it is in order to create the future you deserve.
Every time frustration creeps in, or its cousins — anger, fear, loneliness, depression, anxiety — take a step back and recite inwardly, “I accept this (moment or circumstance or ‘thing’, whatever it is) for exactly what it is at this moment.” Take some time to sit in this space, letting the words sink in. Truly embrace them and appreciate what this means. Once you get more comfortable accepting life’s imperfections (and yours, as a human being), you will have a greater chance of appreciating glimpses of perfection that you’re afforded in everyday life.
Acceptance isn’t a state that shows up for a time, then suddenly vanishes, either. It’s lifelong and sometimes grievers ebb and flow through the stages, making it to acceptance for a time until triggered by something that reels them right back into one of the other four stages. Working with a professional therapist is a great way to process one’s feelings and come to terms with what these feelings mean. Most therapists are also well-informed on what it means to have been the victim of narcissistic abuse and have the tools to help victims heal.
Of course, there are some things you can do a at home, too, including practicing meditation and mindfulness, journaling or utilizing grounding techniques. Just as each individual’s grieving journey looks different, so will each of us have our own set of tools that will help along the way.
Severing ties with a narcissist isn’t easy. Rediscovering yourself in the aftermath can be equally as hard. However, if you can accept the past for what it is, you will allow yourself to heal sustainably in the present and enjoy life moving forward.