Introverted, or covert, narcissism is initially more difficult to spot than its extroverted counterpart. However, the introvert and extrovert hold the same internal feelings about themselves and the world around them, and they hold similar traits. They just present differently.
An extroverted, or overt, narcissist is what most individuals envision when they hear the term narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). This is someone who outwardly boasts of his or her superiority, accomplishments, and sense of entitlement. Think, Miranda Priestly of The Devil Wears Prada, Frank Abagnale Jr. of Catch Me If You Can, or our very own President Donald Trump, according to many experts. These individuals have classic extroverted narcissistic traits. They believe they are smarter, better looking and more capable than everyone else around them.
The introverted narcissist presents much differently. This is someone who outwardly undermines his or her abilities even though they hold the same sense of superiority internally. These individuals, in fact, have some very specific traits which may at first allow them to come across as more “normal” and genuine when their intentions are anything but sincere.
Both types of narcissists share the same shame. Deep inside, they feel lacking, less than and have very fragile self-esteems. Therefore, everything these individuals do is meant to protect their ego and public reputation. While extroverts and introverts may act differently, the reason for their actions is the same and they have learned these survival mechanisms very early on in their lives.
Traits of Introverted or ‘Covert’ Narcissists
Let’s take a look at five of the most classic traits of introverted narcissists:
Zero patience or active-listening skills. Productive conversation consists of talking and listening. This is very basic, and most individuals come equipped with common sense tools to understand that sometimes we must listen each other. Covert narcissists have no patience to spend time listening to others. They would much rather all conversations being handed to them in bullet-pointed notes, so they can assess the main topics, quickly offer their input and advice, and move on.
Responsibility Avoidance. Introverted narcissists have honed their irresponsibility skills. By avoiding taking on tasks that they feel incapable of handling, covert narcissists are able to protect themselves from being subjected to criticism. Therefore, these types of narcissists often come across as selfish and immature. Others can never trust that they will actually take on the difficult responsibilities of adulthood we all face. They often refuse to hold a stable job, feed off of their parents, and if they are parents themselves, take zero responsibility for raising their children. They would much rather take the easy route in life, partying, hanging out with friends, spending time playing video games or doing other mindless activities. If confronted about this behavior, they can become very defensive very quickly and will always find excuses and a scapegoat for their actions.
Difficulty in relationships. Relationships with covert narcissists can seem fairly normal to those on the outside looking in. These individuals often are not blatantly abusive. They prefer, rather, to be passive aggressive to their mates, poking and prodding in order to damage their partner’s sense of self. This is because narcissists themselves have little self-esteem and they project this onto those who are unfortunate enough to enter into relationships with them.
Covert narcissists have boundary issues, and they tend to exert control over partners by utilizing a behind-the-scenes artillery. They may secretly follow spouses or plant cameras, have alerts set to bank accounts and have access to their partner’s email. By engaging in secretive measures to maintain control rather than becoming outwardly abusive the introverted narcissist is able to continue hiding behind a veil of grandiosity and keep their spotless reputation intact.
Inability to work with others. All narcissists find it extremely difficult to work with others because in their minds others are beneath them. They are incapable of performing as well as the narcissist. Having to work with another individual only weighs the narcissist down and makes the task unmanageable. Instead of working with someone else, the narcissist instantly sees this individual as direct competition that must be squashed.
While overt narcissists may explode with fits of frustrated rage, introverted narcissists take a more sinister route similar to how they handle intimate relationships. They are likely to plant “evidence” or set the other person up for failure. They may lie to supervisors and make outrageous claims. If they are successful in destroying the reputation of another, they are able to maintain their own.
No empathy. Narcissists lack the basic skills for human connectivity. They are entirely incapable of caring for another’s feelings or well-being. They feel such a deep-rooted sense of shame and fragility that this preoccupies everything the narcissist does and leaves little room for considering others. Science, in fact, has proven that narcissists lack the brainpower to feel empathy. They are actually missing the portion of our anatomy that would enable them to do so. Introverted narcissists tend to exert egocentrism by being passive aggressive and downplaying the accomplishments of others or refusing to mention them at all. Typically, they will simply divert conversations back to themselves, focusing on their own abilities and achievements.
Because covert narcissists present as vulnerable and they often do not have the same physically appealing traits of overt narcissists, they are more difficult to spot, and therefore, considered more dangerous. It is much easier to avoid engaging with an overt than a covert, and it’s much easier for victims of overts to accept that they have been victimized. Those who are at the mercy of a covert tend to fall for gaslighting and similar narcissistic tactics, and it takes longer for them to come to the realization that they’ve been abused.