Those who have lived in close quarters with a narcissist have learned to walk on eggshells, knowing that they could explode at any time for any reason. This only happens in the narcissist’s intimate space, of course, where he will not risk sacrificing his public reputation. Emotional, mental, physical, sexual, and financial abuse are common for those who’ve been trapped by a narcissist, and narcissistic rage is typically incited when something doesn’t go his way.
Life isn’t perfect and everything will not go perfectly for the narcissist all of the time. While others may be able to shift gears and adapt when this happens, the narcissist cannot. He will likely become infuriated when thrown a curveball. Much like a toddler having a tantrum, he will very loudly announce his frustrations. This is when the mask tends to come off. He may have been super charming and incredible when things were moving along as expected, then BAM!, life gets a bit off track and a whole new side is revealed.
There are many things that can trigger anger and revenge-seeking in a narcissist. Basically, they are ticking time bombs. For one, calling them out on misbehavior instantly leads to narcissistic injury. The narcissist wants a victim to mindlessly play along in ignorance. If called out in public, this is especially damaging. The narcissist will immediately become determined to get the individual inflicting injury back in the worst way possible.
Narcissists cannot tolerate another person getting all of the attention, either. They crave being the center of attention at all times, and they long to feel forever needed and in control. If the narcissist feels he’s not getting enough of your attention or loses some level of control, rage usually follows.
If you see the switch flip and this new person completely transforms from a kind, loving partner to a self-loathing abuser, chances are it will be very triggering as you’re reminded of what you left behind. The first time the mask falls off, it’s time to run.