Narcissistic abuse can leave many lingering scars – not just physical, but emotional and mental. It can hinder potential future partnerships and relationships in general. These scars are difficult to undo. Healing takes time.
Many survivors find solace in joining online and in-person support groups, confiding in trusted friends and family and just taking time to be alone with one’s thoughts. All of these survival strategies have proven to be healthy and effective ways to cope in the aftermath.
If one doesn’t take the time to heal, the cycle is bound to repeat itself. This is why it’s so important to find what works and stick with it – indefinitely. Healing is not a process that is short-lived, one and done. It’s not something you learn, let go of, and live happily ever after. It’s an ongoing commitment to self, an internal promise to do whatever is necessary to live productively after releasing oneself from captivity.
Healing takes work. And, sometimes, the scars resurface and can be overwhelming. The work seems unbearable. We fill our own heads with sentiments designed for failure – this is too difficult, it takes too much work, we’re not strong enough. If we’re not careful, we can quickly become our own worst enemies, stagnate our efforts toward a second draft, and stunt our mental and emotional growth.
Concepts from cognitive behavioral therapy can prove to be very useful. Mindfulness strategies and practicing the law of attraction will enable us to actively think positively rather than react to negative thinking. We need to believe we are “good” in order to project this belief – we must believe we are worthy of happiness.
Journaling, meditating and practicing spirituality are all great mechanisms to cope with difficult memories. These can’t be erased, but they are only as powerful as we let them be. We can render them powerless.
Remember, it took courage and resolve to get through what we did and come out on the other side still in one piece. Of course, we are different now. We are less naïve, less willing to take the motives of others at face value. This is not a weakness, it is a strength. And, it’s important to find encouragement in a changed self rather than focusing on what’s been lost.
Remember the serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And, the wisdom to know the difference.
We cannot change the past, and we cannot undo what’s happened to us. It’s important not to dwell on what cannot be changed, though. Rather, we must focus our energy on bettering what we’re still working with. In order to ensure we don’t lose sight of who we are again, we must first understand who we are now.
Taking the time to heal from the inside out, to truly reconnect with our inner self, is vital. In doing so, we can love our new self unconditionally, just as we did the old, and eventually, the interrelatedness will be more evident. It’ll be easier to recognize they are, of course, one in the same.
Knowledge is power. Break the silence, break the cycle. Please share.