In reviewing some of the latest questions submitted to Quora regarding narcissists and NPD, I took note of one that asked, “Have you seen the black eyes of a narcissist?” I paused a moment and thought to myself, yes, anyone who has been a victim of narcissistic abuse knows about the “black eyes”. And, this doesn’t have to literally mean the narcissist’s eyes turn black in a sort of demonic way straight out of The Exorcist. But, victims typically describe a certain look that shakes them to their core after inducing narcissistic injury.
When injury is inflicted, even if the narcissist doesn’t immediately react in a tangible way – i.e., with physical rage and fury – there is often a look that he or she will project that is cold and calculated, in a way, downright evil. This look can only come from an abuser who has become determined to act. It is the calm before the storm that warns his or her prey they’re about to get what’s coming to them.
The vengeful look of a narcissist becomes a trait that those victimized unfortunately become accustomed to seeing. It may have always been there, but in the initial stages of a relationship, it was likely no more than a chilling look. The narcissist was careful to wait until the connection advanced before following through with revenge. While one may be taken aback by the stare in this stage, it is chalked up to nothing more than a fleeting gaze of someone momentarily hurt. Subject changing causes the narcissist’s face to relax and life goes on.
However, as we know, those with NPD never intend to remain in the idealize stage forever. They only play this game just long enough for the relationship to advance to a point at which a victim is trapped and devaluation can begin. This is when the “black eyes” of the narcissist become more than something that will fade with conversation redirection. The look becomes a terrifying warning of a brewing storm in which the victim is made to realize the full wrath of the narcissist’s bruised ego.
Gateway to a ‘Black’ Soul
I have heard the “black eyes” described in many ways, including taught facial muscles, an icy stare, or glossed-over gaze that seemingly strikes the soul. The “black eyes” of a narcissist are a feature that will not be soon forgotten even by those who have summoned the strength to leave.
These black eyes will be instilled in the recesses of a survivor’s mind for years to come, inducing panic-stricken moments of post-traumatic stress via flashbacks or unexpected encounters with their once captor. I venture to guess that every individual who has lived the terror of sharing an intimate space with a narcissist can clearly describe and envision the “black eyes” as a precursor to pent-up aggression about to be released even long after the events occur.
Perhaps there is a way to intuitively walk away from a relationship with a narcissist to inadvertently makes his or her prey privy to underlying intention by flashing this menacing look. Unfortunately, however, most don’t connect the dots until it’s too late.