It’s so important as you move into this new phase of life and make a commitment to pursue sustainable healing to regain a sense of confidence in who you are. It really is true that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. This means reconnecting with the bits of self that were lost amid trauma, understanding once again who this person truly was then and is now, and accepting the individual now as a beautiful being in every way. This is what self love is all about.
When you’re in the middle of the chaos of trauma oftentimes you feel very alone, isolated, and powerless. It’s difficult to reach out to others for help because you may be ashamed of what’s happening, or you may have convinced yourself it’s not as bad as you think. Plus, if the trauma stems from abuse, the easiest targets are those who are natural caretakers, used to putting the needs of others first and believing there is a solution to everything. When you’re almost always giving and problem-solving, it’s not easy to admit you need to ask for outside help.
This shame, and the other negative emotions that come along with it – guilt, fear, a loss of hope, a feeling of not knowing who we are anymore – is very difficult to shake. Oftentimes, post-traumatic stress disorder ensues in the aftermath and you have to reprogram your entire way of thinking in order to remove toxicity – not an easy feat.
Learning to love yourself again is a vital first step in the healing journey, however. The longer less-than feelings linger, the easier these feelings are to accept as fact, and survivors will inevitably opt to live indefinitely with depression, anxiety, paranoia, and everything else that can come with being a trauma survivor. It may seem easier to take this route at first, but it’s not in the long run. Choosing to do so means, essentially, choosing to stay connected with the trauma from which you’ve supposedly escaped and allowing it to define you forever. Over time, this will take a significant toll on your mental, emotionally, and physical well-being.
You can choose to accept the trauma of your past without allowing it to define you. And, to do so, you must practice unconditional self love. This means understanding each facet of self – understanding what your strengths are and where there is still opportunity to grow.
Mistakes are an essential part of the human experience.
If you never make a mistake, you cannot grow. You cannot awaken to who you’re supposed to be and the path you’re meant to take if you never venture behind your comfort zone, make mistakes, and learn from them so you don’t continue to repeat the same negative patterns. You have to acknowledge, out loud, that you are a trauma survivor and accept this as a part our our being, so we understand how to learn from it and make healthier decisions moving forward.
You are a trauma survivor and this, in itself, is something to be commended. You are brave. You are strong and courageous. And, you are capable of self love. It’s time to celebrate this.