Narcissism should not be confused with confidence, although it often is. This is because narcissism is a spectrum disorder ranging from completely healthy to completely unhealthy. There’s a fine line between being self-assured and downright arrogant.
Examples of healthy narcissism might include feeling accomplished, well-liked or able. These are all healthy emotions, and it’s important that we recognize when we’ve achieved important goals. These are confident responses that don’t affect the well-being of others. In fact, others are likely to chime in and congratulate us on a job well done.
Narcissism becomes a problem and crosses into the unhealthy state when others are impacted in a negative way. This is when self-confidence crosses the line into self-grandiosity. Suddenly, toting our accomplishments becomes all about the fact that we’re better than others, entitled and worthy of respect.
If denied praise, narcissists instantly become injured, revenge-seeking monsters who will stop at nothing to ensure they never feel disrespected again. Pathological narcissism hurts others. On this side of the spectrum, relationships become unhealthy or even nonexistent.
Of course, being completely un-narcissistic is also detrimental. This is referred to as co-dependency or echoism. Those who possess no narcissism at all entirely lack self-confidence. They never consider their own needs, and they shy away from receiving recognition from others.
Narcissists prey on co-dependents. These individuals are their perfect match for the simple reason that they have the same thing in common — they live to serve the narcissist. Echoers will do anything to enable the narcissist’s false facade and keep him from ever feeling dejected. They will take the blame for all of the narcissist’s faults.
Co-dependents who are entangled in sadistic relationships with narcissists often never get the courage to break free. They see no reason to. The narcissist fulfills their need for service just as they fulfill the narcissist’s need to be served.
Echoers require an outside voice of reason to realize they are enduring abuse. And, even if they manage to escape, they will need to fundamentally change the way they view relationships in order to avoid re-entering an unhealthy bond.
If you or someone you know are in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, there are many resources available to help.
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